optional termination of disabled child

[mumtogusnalbie]

Hi everyone, I am new to this site but am often looking through these kinds of threads to see if anyone else has experienced the painful choice of continuing or abandoning the pregnancy of a disabled child?
4 years ago, I gave birth to my gorgeous healthy son after suffering a miscarriage 18mths beforehand. I breastfed him for 6 weeks but found it wasn't for me and changed to bottles. Without having a period, I fell pregnant again - obviously this was a bit of a shock but my husband and I were delighted and really excited.
Unfortunately, the blood tests at 16 weeks showed our baby had a high risk of Spina Bifida. After having a scan, our worst fears were confirmed.
We decided to terminate the pregancy and on 16th December I gave birth to a tiny baby girl who weighed just 6ozs.
I was so lucky to have a supportive husband and also my son to mother.
I went on to have another healthy son who is now 2 1/2years.
I still often think about this experience and have never actually talked to anyone about it - has anyone else experienced anything similar?

What a terribly traumatic thing to go through.

Mum,this topic is discussed quite frequently on MN.Things are a bit quiet at the moment,but you should be able to discuss this with people who have had similar experiences.

Look through the archives too

Welcome btw.

No advice, but just wanted to say hello. Hope someone with some wise words can come on soon.

Hi, welcome to MN. I'm sure lots of MNers will post. As Moondog says, it's a bit quiet at the moment.

I'm sorry for your loss. I think talking it out will be really good for you. I know you'll find many listening ears here.

I have not had to terminate through Disability but i have had a termination.

clealry your reason's were very different to my own but i can sympathise with your loss.
There are many people on here who will be able to offer you much more support n this.

This is what MN is really here for!

Hello there, welcome to Mumsnet
I'm so sorry for the loss of your dd, that must have been a very sad time for you and a very difficult experience to live through
My second son died in the womb at around 20 weeks and had to be induced, and there are others here who have delivered a baby mid-pregnancy for all sorts of reasons.
SANDS helped me a lot after Thomas' stillbirth and I know from reading their newsletter that parents who have similar experiences to yours do get support from SANDS too - it is not just there for babies who die at term or shortly after birth.
Give their helpline a ring and the lovely staff there may be able to put you in touch with a local branch, or a Befriender who has faced terminating a pregnancy due to disabilities.
You'll find lots of support here too Mumtogusnalbie , but right now I'm not sure if I can think of any regular posters who did have to terminate because of spina bifida.
It's great you had plenty of family support, I know from experience that can help so much.

Hi mumtogusnalbie. I haven't been through this but I just wanted to say 'hello.'

Thanks for your messages of support.
I don't want everyone to think that I cry myself to sleep every night - I do think about it often but not really in a sad way.
I don't regret my decision in any way and I now have 2 lovely boys who are both the apple of my eye!!
It would just be quite good to talk about the experience with someone who has been there.
Its really good to feel welcome and this site will be added to my favourites - thanks everyone.

A friend of mine went through this due to renal agenesis (no kidneys) and got a lot of help from ARC - Antenatal Results and Choices - ARC who might help youto talk it over. HTH

Hi mumtogusnalbie. We terminated a pregnancy last August for Patau's syndrome, so a different reason, but the same sad result. I was 12 weeks pregnant, so had a surgical termination. Someone has recently posted on the thread I started a year ago when in the middle of the trauma, so if you have a look at the thread you will see you are not alone. Sadly, someone posted on it who only went through this a couple of weeks ago.

Anyway as Harrisey says, ARC are really good- I use their email support group.

I am glad to hear you went on to have a healthy son. I am currently 34 weeks pregnant and expecting a boy (we found out last year from CVS results that we had been expecting a girl). I can't say being pregnant again is easy but we are really looking forward to meeting our son!

Hi Mumtogusnalbie

I ended a pregnancy due to disability about 2 years ago. I found out at my 20 weeks scan (at the time they only gave you the one scan in my area and I often wonder if I could have found out earlier if they had offered a 12 week scan). Like you I dont regret the decision because the baby wouldnt have had any chance of survival so I didnt really have a choice.

I now have a 13 month old son who is the apple of my eye but the pregnancy was a very scary experience as I had a 1/5 chance of recurrence.

I have to admit its not something I really talk about much - mainly because my DH finds it too upsetting but I do still think about it in private. Anyway just wanted to let you know you are not alone and if you want to talk about it with someone who has gone through a similar experience then I'm happy to talk and listen.

Hi mumtogusnalbie
I've just read you thread and just wanted to say i know exactly what you are going through.I had to terminate my pregnancy 3 weeks ago. I was 24weeks and had been told our baby had Patau's syndrome. Me and my husband were completely devastated.To make things even worse i delivererd our baby on the 13 august which is my husbands birthday!! Everybody around us have been brilliant,but it still doesn't make the pain go away. At the moment i'm still off work, as i feel with being a hairdresser i'm not strong enough to meet people yet. Why is it aswell whenever you go out you see pregnant women and babies?. Even the tv seems to be full of things to remind us of what we have lost.Every day is getting a bit easier for us.so it will for you aswell.It helps to talk about it with people that have gone through similar.Our daughter,who is 3 and a half,has been a great help to us aswell and really kept us going.She is our little ray of sunshine