Coming upto due date....and cant have any more children

[CarlyP]

Hi,

i have 2 boys, and i am v v v thankful.

however i had a m/c in march and my baby was due on 23 sept. i was 4 weeks early with the other 2, so i would probably have had or be having him now.

i had to have an op 1mth ago which has left me infertile. at the tim ei thought the op was a good idea (for various reasons) and i know it still is.

but coming upto the due date i feel so down. no one seems to realise why i feel down. even my DH doesnt 'get it' .

someone tell me when this date passes i will feel better. i love my boys, but so badly wanted another.

we bought a rose after it happened and i repotted it and it died, but i couldnt throw it away even though my dad (a gardener) said its dead and to throw it. the past few days it has green leaves on and is literally coming back to life! now i know this is silly and coincidence but that has made me feel better.

i got lots of old clothes down last ngiht and found tons of maternity wear in there from the boys, and i was crying outside away from DH as i know i will never have my OWN BABY to hold again.

someone tell me this will get better.

thanks for reading.

cx

thanks triplets.

my boys are 1.5 and 2.5 yrs old, and real little pesty toddlers!!!!

your little girl wouldnt have any luck trying to get some peace, not with 2 brothers im sure!!!!

thanks for posting,

the clouds are shifting and i can see some light.

cx

Hi Carly,
I remember you from the mc threads I used to haunt in March. My due date would have been the 7th September and I am finding it really hard. I feel I don't have much excuse to feel so sad as I am pg again (due December) but it is really bothering me. I didn't know about your operation - am sorry it has turned out this way for you.
Just typing this is making me very emotional. I am not looking forward to the 7th. Am so glad that your rose has come back to life - I have friends who have been bereft and seen very significant poignancy in that.
I planted an apple tree for the baby and it now has five bright apples on it - I find this hard as it would have been our third baby, making us a family of five.
This is so hard. My thoughts are with you.

hi cupcakes,

i remember you from amrch aswell.

so glad to hear you are preg again! congrats, and youll never forget the one you lost. dont feel bad, celebrate what you have!

im so lucky, i have my 2 fab boys, some ppl never get that far. so although im sad, and i often look back, i know it could be so much worse.

i went to a psychic last yr who said id fall preg in the spring 2007, but have a m/c before. i know i cant get preg now (terilised and after the ablation) but i keep thingking about it. never mind, guess she was wrong!

i have a november and a december baby, its great as u can snuggle up as its so cold outside, and so near xmas. good luck for the labour!

cx

CarlyP,
Does that mean that ivf is not an option for you?

yep, not an option as my uterus lining is not think enough (apparently) to hold onto and embryo....and even if it did (1%) then the chances of the placenta failing are so high that you wouldnt get to viable, let alone term.

thats y i decided on the sterilisation, as i didnt want to risk a m/c as late as 20/22wks.

it cant be reversed. not sure if anyone has ever got preg after having ablation and sterilisation.

Hi,
But don`t the drugs they give you thicken the womb lining? Thats what happened to me, they did a dummy run then altered the drugs, then told me the lining was ultimim.

Me again,
Just looked it all up on an ivf site, and yes it says pregnancy is unlikely after ablation, though you should still use contraception until the menopause. A pregnancy still could occur but the risks to mother and baby are high

im not sure really. i dont think there is anything you can take. im seeing my consultant this afternoon. may ask her the chancecs of me getting preg.....sure it will be 0!

Well good luck CarlyP, but as you have said you like me are so lucky to have our children here with us, my niece has been trying for over 5 years, healthy, in her 30s, several ivf attempts and it just hasnt happened. Sadly there are lots in the same position, inc friends of mine who have lost children and unable to have any more. xxx

thanks triplets.

we are lucky in so many ways......even when they r screaming and covered in something we cant quite make out....running paint through the house!!!!

cx

hi,

i saw my consultant. pain should stop in nxt 2 weeks.

1-3 in 1,000 chance of both porcedures not working.

1-3 in 10,000 chance of me becomnig preg. she didnt know the odds on what would happen if i did fall preg, i.e. chances of getting to viable.

think im going to have to stop thinking about it now!!

thanks everyone

cx

Thanks for the update CarlyP, just wake up tomorrow morning with your beautiful boys and go FORWARD! Lots of love, xxx

hiya,

its nring my due date and everyone on the sept thread is having their babies. and im pleased for them.. but still feel like it should have been me too.

having more good than bad days now, but again feel like it all gonna come to a head.

cx

Hi CarlyP,
This is going to be a hard time for you, I feel for you and your sadness. Life is so unfair, how on earth we are expected to cope with everything it throws at us I don`t know. All I know is, these days will pass, taking a little of the pain away, until you one day realize that the good days out number the bad ones, that you are still you, that you have survived, it takes courage but that you have already found to have come this far xxxxxxxxxx

thanks triplets.

youre pain is so so much more acute than mine ever will be over this. you and matthew have given me great strength.

cx

Hi CarlyP,
Just wondering how you are feeling today, a little brighter I hope. We cannot measure each others pain, I can fully understand yours, there are lots of ways we can look at what happened, and I am lucky to have known my child even though it was all too brief, you didn`t get that chance, I have so many memories to hold onto, some to smile about, others to cry. Even now sitting here it seems unreal that I am writing about my child who I still cannot believe is gone forever from me, well, in this life anyway. I can see him now in my mind as I am typing, lovely blue eyes looking at me, smiling, how can he be gone.............still cannot believe it, such a beautiful, lovely, good boy. Not fair.

Triplets,

your so right, its just not far at all.

we are planning a nice day out on saturday (due date). just to mark the occasion so its not 'unnoticed'.

I think you are incredibly brave and strong.

how are the triplets??

my boys are fine, little monkeys. i cant wait to be at home with them more.

cx

Hi CarlyP,
Where are you going to go on Sat, I hope the sun shines on you all. We have a link you and I, as Sat is our 28th wedding a/v, makes me feel sooooooooo old. It was a glorious day that day, I remember waking up on my wedding morn and hearing my mum at the gate talking to her neighbour and the neighbour said,"oh shes got a lovely day for it". Isnt it funny the things you remember? The children are all fine, Thomas was discharged from seeing the paediatrician last week, we found out he was anaemic, always so pale and cold, which worried me greatly, then they found a heart murmer which worried me more, but after all the tests he is fine. All the children are under weight they say for their age, but he in particular eats well but runs everywhere! I have just had a 4 day dizzy spell, been getting them on and off for the last 4/5 years, they put it all down to stress! We are off to Forida on the 9th Oct and I am finding it hard to get excited about it, we have been before in 2004, but I love holidays so cant understand all these negative feelings atm, hope they will pass! Right off to my bed, I can hear Thomasstill playing about up there, almost 10pm, hes a terror! Love to you all, I will be thinking of you on Sat,
Anne xx

Hi Triplets!

We are going to go for a walk down the river, im going to take some flowers and get the boys to help me pick the petals off and throw them in. Then we are hitting the shops for some retail therapy!

Sorry to hear thomas hasnt been well, you must have been very worried. Glad all is ok. My friend has a heart murmur, and so does her baby (2mths old) they are both fine though.

Surely as they are triplets they may be a bit smaller, they'll even out in their teenage yrs im sure. I got told to watch Alfies (ds1) weight, he is 3 stone but over 3 ft tall, hes nrly 3, so off the scale a bit it hink, but hes jsut big and in proportion, im not worried, they eat enough good stuff, so i didnt listen to a word the HV said!

Married for 28yrs, blimey!!!!! Well done you, ive only been married for 3.5yrs. seems like a lifetime already! I remember the weeding morning, but i had alot to drink and the rest is a bit of a blur!!!! LOL

would love to chat offline sometime.

Cx

I love the "weeding" morning! Made me smile! Have catted you!

oops!spelling mistake!!!