Inquest into friends' DS's death tomorrow - what do I write in card/text?

[TheDuchessOfSalford]

My friends' DS was killed in an accident last summer and the inquest is tomorrow. I want to let them know I'm thinking of them but do I just text or send a card? I dropped a card round on his birthday and text 'thinking of you' messages every so often but I don't really know what to write for tomorrow.

I'm sure it's going to be horrific for them, having to listen to every detail of that day again so I don't want to add to their pain with a clumsily worded message.

I'd be really grateful for any ideas or just 'don't do x, y, z'.

TIA.

You are always in my thoughts/ always remembering x ?

I guess anything more risks sounding twee. You can't empathise - it's just so beyond comprehension if you haven't walked in their shoes and sympathy well it's so many shades or wrong really.

But hats off to you for sticking by your friends. Metaphorically the road and ignoring them would be easier for you but not what true friend would do.

We have recently had the same situation. I just sent my friend a text with no specifics saying I would be thinking of her and she knew I was around if she needed anything.

It is difficult as I worry that there is a fine line between being there and empathising and overstepping and intruding sometimes. From the time our friends' DS's accident happened though I have realised how important it is for them to know that friends care and, for all of us as friends, to keep that going. This is not something they can ever get over so we need to be there for the long haul.

Hope your friend is ok (and you too, I know how much it hurts as a good friend)

I think what to are doing is brilliant. And any message that reaches them on the day will be fine, irrespective of by what means.

Personally, I'd go for a letter or card (even if it's only a single sentence) as they are easier to keep than texts. But the important thing is saying something.

My ds friend was killed a few years ago when on holiday with my ds.
I remember the inquest was the hardest time for everyone so you are right to acknowledge it.

Thanks for both of your thoughts. It's so hard to know what to say. I want to kind of acknowledge that I know how hard every day is for them but that tomorrow is likely to be even harder and they're in our thoughts even more than normal.

I drive past their house and the scene of his accident every day on my way to work so I think about them pretty much every day but as piscivorous says, it's finding that line between supporting and intruding.

I think a text saying thinking of you tomorrow would be right. Agree that is it most important to acknowledge the day & say something though.

Say what you feel.

Sorry, xposts with Edith and Ledkr.

My initial thought was a card, just because it feels more personal, iykwim.

Would something along the lines of 'we are always thinking of you all and DS but sending extra love and prayers for today' be okay, do you think?

That sounds perfect. So sad.

Exit, what I really want to say is, it's so bloody unfair that they are having to go through this, I hate the fact that they were picked to be shunted off on this crappy road full of pain and heartbreak and I wish there was something I could do to take some of that pain away.

But that feels very self centred. They are very stoical in their grief and are also very religious which I know helps them an awful lot. I find that part hard because I can't reconcile at all a loving God with the pain they're in and I'm very conscious that this is their grief, not mine.

Not sure how much sense I'm making, sorry.

Having been in a similar situation a text saying I'm thinking of you all and your ds today. Always here if you need anything would be greatly appreciated I went with my friends mum to his inquest. They are awful things to go through

Anything that lets them know you are thinking of them will be a moment of comfort on a very hard day. Good for you.

Thinking of you and ds always, especially at this very difficult time.

Duchess Our friends are also very stoic which, interestingly, they attribute to their lack of any kind of faith. They say this was just a terrible random accident whereas, if they had a faith, they would feel angry that God let them down.

One thing they have said is that this has changed their view of who their true friends are, some have drawn closer and been more supportive where others have not

The most important thing to your friend is knowing you are there