Loss of an old boyfriend not seen for years

[Fuzzygel]

On Monday an old boyfriend of mine sadly died. He was 10 years older than me but still very young, he had no wife or children.

We dated for 2 years around 12 years ago. We were really close, practically lived together. Holidayed etc, the usual stuff. We split as I think he was playing away so it wasn't amicable as such but not terribly acrimonious either, it had probably run it's course and he wasn't the marrying/children type and I was getting to that age and I wanted those things.

We didn't stay in touch although had mutual friends so id hear his name over the years. I have many fond memories of him.

His death was not entirely unexpected as he had always had some Health issues but I still feel very shocked.

I know I'm rambling as I feel the need to get this out somewhere. I am irrationally upset by this, it seems so silly as I haven't seen him for 10 years but I keep bursting into tears. I feel so sad and very strange about it all.

I'm in a relationship now, I have children, I'm divorced and planning to marry dp so have a full life. I feel as if I'm being disrespectful to my dp by feeling this bad about it. Is the way I'm feeling normal? I have only really lost grandparents and an uncle before, as well as two friends when I was very young (16).

So sorry to anyone on this board who is grieving :-(

You are not being disrespectful to your DP at all. This man was a big part of your life for two years and it would be very odd if you were not grieving. Don't worry about it at all.

Hi,

I've been in a very similar situation. I found out an ex of mine who'd had a 2 year relationship had died. Feeling sad is entirely normal, I still do occasionally. Don't feel guilt over your reaction, have a cry when you need to.

The thing that I still find, is that I almost doubt my memories of things that happened between just the two of us, because there's nobody else left to verify those memories. Sounds stupid I know.

Thank you both. It's a comfort to know I'm not behaving totally irrationally. I think I'd like to go to the funeral to say goodbye if I can.

Thanks again.

If you can I think going to the funeral would be a very good thing for you - and lovely for his family, too.