two any parent that has lost a child, what do you say when you are asked how many children you have?

[diamondlizard]

this is something im struggling with atm

as i feel if i mention my ds who died, it changes the whole atmosphere

yet if i dont mention him and say i have two, i feel guilty, sometimes for days

So sorry for your loss. I haven't read the thread but my brother died, and I couldn't talk about it for many years so I would say I had one brother if asked, to avoid the pain and the issue. I had two. I felt terrible saying one as really I had two. It felt like i was denying him.Now if I'm asked I say I had two brothers but one died. I feel much better acknowledging my lost bro than when I couldn't.
He died over half my lifetime ago and I still cry like a baby
if I let myself dwell on it.

I'm so sorry for your loss xxx
I also struggle with this.
I'm pregnant with my 5 th child. People keep saying "ooh 4 children!" I really want to say "5 actually" but I feel it will depress people.
I also don't want to speak about the details surrounding my baby girls death, as it's complicated.
She had numerous problems and we had to make a difficult decision.
I miss her all the time and feel so disloyal when we don't acknowledge that she was here too :(

I have not lost a child. Only parents and a sibling but I have a similar issue. I still feel like 1 of 7 even though only 6 are alive. Sorry to all for your losses.

Not the same, but since my little sister died tragically in 2004, I tend to say (when asked if I have siblings), "I have a brother. I also had a little sister but she died after a long illness". If the atmosphere changes into awkwardness or embarrassment, then so be it, to be honest.

Sometimes people say clumsy things. Some people say good things. Some people say nothing - that is the worst :(

I'm so sorry about your boy.

Would it be better not to be asked this question?

My eldest child died 15 months ago today. She was 12, when asked I say I have 4 children but sadly my daughter died. I could never not acknowledge her as my child, I'm now dreading the birth of my 5th child as it will come up so much more over the next few months.

I'm so sorry you lost your lad. If I were you I would say you had x amount of children but sadly lost your son. If it makes people awkward it doesn't matter, it's more important that you feel comfortable with what your saying and the fact is he is your child whether he is still here or not. I have lost a lot of people over the last ten years and am shocked at how even family members don't acknowledge them anymore. I talk about them all the time and sometimes I feel like a thorn in the side of certain people, but I don't feel comfortable not acknowledging people who I have loved and were so much a part of my life. Sorry for long ramble.