Can't totally get over losing my baby.

[megglevache]

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Hi Megg. I was on the due in NOv thread too and I also miscarried in April. I thought I had moved on but a few weeks ago I went through what you are describing now. It's like it creeps up on you and we feel that we shouldn't be upset anymore. But why shouldn't we.

I still often think I would be x months pregnant now, and I don't know how I'll be on 24 Nov (my due date) but like tamba says, I try to focus on what I have and how lucky I am.

I am also focusing on not having another baby just yet (defense mechanisim maybe?)and don't know what the future has in store for me.

Sorry for rambling, just wanted to say its OK to still be sad. I felt taht I hadn't doe anything to signify/remember what might have been, and a very good friend of mine bought me a beautiful samsoite jasper stone in the shape of a heart, which I keep in a special place and take it out when I feel like a good cry and put it away when I'm done. It truly was the most helpful thing anyone did and I will treasure it always.

Take care, hope you feel better soon.

Bet your ds keeps you busy! How old is he? (mine is 4)

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Someone also suggested to me to write a letter to the baby I never met, take a good long walk with dp/dh in a beautiful place and burn letter or let it sail away down a river.

Just something for closure IYKWIM.

I have a few friends who had babies around the time my daughter was due, and I have made a point of not asking when their birthdays are. I just can't bear to hear about another baby being born the day she should have arrived.

I know another woman who had a baby the day my daughter died, and for some reason I find that very comforting. Just as there are things that trigger your sadness, I hope that you will find things that trigger some comfort for you.

There is no way out of the rawness you feel right now, and imo it wouldn't be healthy even if you could find a way of avoiding it. It's almost as though it's your special time with your lost baby.

I'm so sorry you are going through this.

Closure is good. Well for me anyhow, it realy helped. It was time for the both of us to sit and think about things and to in a way, let the baby know he wasnt forgotten and that we did care. (does that sound silly?) Our place had beautiful scenory ans a little river and it will always be special to me. It was just time to say goodbye iykwim.

We spent an evening talking about things and the what-ifs and maybes and although it was exhausting it was good to get those feelings out and in a way it bought us much closer together.

I have 2 ds's and they are 4 and 2, and since this all happened i have appreciated them all the more. I am so lucky to have them.

Will be thinking of you both through out Novemeber and I a very sad way its nice to know I wont be going through this alone iyswim. Any time either of you ned someone to listen, im here xxxx

What a brave and sad post.

I'd echo Marina's advice to discuss it here as much as you feel you need to. I think in RL things can get bottled up, as life means carrying on with the day to day stuff.

I hope you feel stronger soon.
XX

"SJ, where are you in the adoption process? Might you have a son/daughter quite soon? " - thank you for asking Megglv, I'm waiting to hear but hoping for September or October.

sue, all the very best with the adoption plans
mrsd is right - some coincidences/remarks will lacerate your heart, others will be part of the process of learning to live with your bereavement.
One of the special things I have in Tom's box is a photograph of a beach "sculpture" my dsis and her partner made, spelling his name out with stones and driftwood etc. It was meant to be there for a short time then washed gently away by the tide, like his presence in our lives really. Anyway, yesterday I saw the relaunch of the SANDS newsletter for the first time. They have used the whole footprints in the sand/ebb and flow of the tide of life image in their new look and it just somehow felt so right to me.
You will find moments of great peace and calm Megg and Tamba, just maybe not for a while yet. XXX