Suggestions for funeral poems/readings please

[peggyblackett]

Lovely mumsnetters, please can you help? MIL died on Saturday - whilst she had been diagnosed with cancer for many years it came as a complete shock. She hasn't left any requests for her funeral, so DH and I are trying to decide on poems and readings.

Can you help us with suggestions please? I like The Ship (about the ship that disappears from our horizon, and as she does she appears on another shore). Apart from that I'm at a loss as to what to suggest to DH.

I'm sorry to hear of the loss of your mil

My twin sister died recently and I had this reading at her funeral.

Remember BY CHRISTINA ROSSETTI

Remember me when I am gone away,
Gone far away into the silent land;
When you can no more hold me by the hand,
Nor I half turn to go yet turning stay.
Remember me when no more day by day
You tell me of our future that you plann'd:
Only remember me; you understand
It will be late to counsel then or pray.
Yet if you should forget me for a while
And afterwards remember, do not grieve:
For if the darkness and corruption leave
A vestige of the thoughts that once I had,
Better by far you should forget and smile
Than that you should remember and be sad.

I'm sure whatever you and your DH choose will be a touching tribute..

That's lovely rusty, thank you. So sorry to hear about the loss of your sister

Thank you for your kind words Peggy

Will your DH be reading an eulogy? I didn't think I would have the strength to but I'm so glad that I did, it felt like the last thing I could do to honour her. There are plenty of examples online if you're not sure how to structure it.

You sound as though you are a great support to your DH

I found some lovely poems and readings just by doing some simple google searches. Reading through them was actually quite helpful.

If you want any other practical funeral advice feel free to PM me - I've been involved in organising three in the last year.

So sorry for your loss. Remember to be kind to yourselves.

I'm so sorry for your troubles.

My dad used to quote bits of this poem so we chose it for his service.

Crossing the Bar

BY ALFRED, LORD TENNYSON
Sunset and evening star,
And one clear call for me!
And may there be no moaning of the bar,
When I put out to sea,

But such a tide as moving seems asleep,
Too full for sound and foam,
When that which drew from out the boundless deep
Turns again home.

Twilight and evening bell,
And after that the dark!
And may there be no sadness of farewell,
When I embark;

For tho' from out our bourne of Time and Place
The flood may bear me far,
I hope to see my Pilot face to face
When I have crost the bar.

What about 'If I should go before you' by Joyce Grenfell?
Short and uplifting

My DH passed away on 7th Feb and the minister read The Dash by Linda Ellis, which I liked a lot.

Thanks all. I'm so sorry for your losses. Inaminutenow sending you big hugs for the loss of your DH.

I love the Joyce Grenfell poem, but I don't think it's MIL sadly. Have just sent DH the others. Thank you.

I read The Dash at my DF's funeral in December - very thought-provoking.

Where do they go to?
Where do they go to, the people who leave?
Are they around us, in the cool evening breeze?
Do they still hear us, and watch us each day?
I'd like you to think of them with us that way.

Where do they go to, when no longer here?
I think that they stay with us, calming our fear
Loving us always, holding our hands
Walking beside us, on grass or on sand.

Where do they go to, well it's my belief
They watch us and help us to cope with our grief
They comfort and stay with us, through each of our days
Guiding us always through life's mortal maze.

Look for me in Rainbows
Time for me to go now, I won't say goodbye;
Look for me in rainbows, way up in the sky.
In the morning sunrise when all the world is new,
Just look for me and love me, as you know I loved you.

Time for me to leave you, I won't say goodbye;
Look for me in rainbows, high up in the sky.
In the evening sunset, when all the world is through,
Just look for me and love me, and I'll be close to you.

It won't be forever, the day will come and then
My loving arms will hold you, when we meet again.

Time for us to part now, we won't say goodbye;
Look for me in rainbows, shining in the sky.
Every waking moment, and all your whole life through
Just look for me and love me, as you know I loved you.

Just wish me to be near you,
And I'll be there with you.

Music and lyrics: Conn Bernard (1990). Vicki Brown

The life that I have by Leo marks:

The life that I have
Is all that I have
And the life that I have
Is yours

The love that I have
Of the life that I have
Is yours and yours and yours.

A sleep I shall have
A rest I shall have
Yet death will be but a pause
For the peace of my years
In the long green grass
Will be yours and yours and yours.

I am sorry for your loss x

The Watcher

by Margaret Widdemer (1884-1978)

She always leaned to watch for us,
Anxious if we were late,
In winter by the window,
In summer by the gate.

And though we mocked her tenderly,
Who had such foolish care,
The long way home would seem more safe
Because she waited there.

Her thoughts were all so full of us,
She never could forget!
And so I think that where she is
She must be watching yet.

Waiting till we come home to her,
Anxious if we are late,
Watching from Heaven’s window,
Leaning on Heaven’s gate.

My uncle read this at Grandma's funeral recently.

I'm sorry for your loss.
My great-gran had this at her funeral. I like the gentleness of it.

When I am dead, my dearest
By Christina Rossetti

When I am dead, my dearest,
Sing no sad songs for me;
Plant thou no roses at my head,
Nor shady cypress tree:
Be the green grass above me
With showers and dewdrops wet;
And if thou wilt, remember,
And if thou wilt, forget.

I shall not see the shadows,
I shall not feel the rain;
I shall not hear the nightingale
Sing on, as if in pain:
And dreaming through the twilight
That doth not rise nor set,
Haply I may remember,
And haply may forget.

We had this at my Mums funeral in dec:

You can shed tears that she is gone, or you can smile because she has lived

You cand close your eyes and pray that she'll come back, or you can open your eyes and see all she has left

Your heart can be empty because you can't see her, or you can be full of the love that you shared

You can turn your back on tomorrow and live yesterday or you can be happy for tomorrow because of yeterday

You cand remember her and only that she's gone, or you cand cherish her memory and let it live on

You cand cry, close your mind, be empty and turn your back; or you cand do what she would want: smile, open your eyes, love and go on.

I'm very sorry for your loss Peggy, and for your DH.

There are some lovely suggestions here. I particularly like the sea and sailing ones- my dad was a keen sailor and we had 'Gone from My Sight' at his funeral.

I adore Khalil Gibran's writings on death. The ones I like are quite long but we used an extract at my mum's funeral, as follows:

'For what is it to die but to stand naked in the wind and to melt into the sun?
And what is to cease breathing, but to free the breath from its restless tides, that it may rise and expand and seek God unencumbered?
Only when you drink from the river of silence shall you indeed sing.
And when you have reached the mountain top, then you shall begin to climb.
And when the earth shall claim your limbs, then shall you truly dance.'

Extract from 'On Death' taken from 'The Prophet' by Khalil Gibran.

At her cremation we had this one:

'I have passed a mountain peak and my soul is soaring in the firmament of complete and unbound freedom;
I am far, far away, my companions, and the clouds are hiding the hills from my eyes.
The valleys are becoming flooded with an ocean of silence, and the hands of oblivion are engulfing the roads and the houses;
The prairies and fields are disappearing behind a white specter that looks like the spring cloud, yellow as the candlelight and red as the twilight.
The songs of the waves and the humans of the streams are scattered, and the voices of the throngs reduced to silence;
And I can hear naught but the music of eternity in exact harmony with the spirit's desires.
I am cloaked in full whiteness;
I am in comfort;
I am in peace.'

Extract from 'The Ascending' taken from 'The Beauty of Death', Kahlil Gibran.

My mum died on Sunday and for her funeral I am putting her picture and this poem on a card as we are not having an order of service.

Miss Me But Let Me Go

When I come to the end of the road
and the sun has set on me,
I want no rites in a gloom filled room,
why cry for a soul set free.
Miss me a little - but not too long,
and not with your head bowed low,
Remember the love that we once shared,
miss me - but let me go.
For this is a journey that we all must take,
and each must go alone.
It's all a part of the Master's plan,
a step on the road to home.
When you are lonely and sick of heart,
go to the friends we know.
And bury your sorrows in doing good deeds,
miss me - but let me go.

Anon

Love to all going through this. xx