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Bereavement

Find bereavement help and support from other Mumsnetters. See also your choices after baby loss.

Original poster

Upcoming Anniversary

67 replies

Quootiepie · 08/08/2006 10:41

Hiya...
I wrote in the Feeling Depressed section but was told my post would be kinda more suitable here. Baby would have been 1 tomorrow

OP posts:
Lemmingswife · 10/08/2006 21:50

Is he aware of how upset you are today?

Original poster
Quootiepie · 10/08/2006 21:51

not really. I told him, but once he sees me not crying or something, he presumes Im ok. Havent seen much of him today... he went shopping then went to work.

OP posts:
Lemmingswife · 10/08/2006 21:57

Maybe you should talk to him & make him understand how low you are feeling. Men can be useless with emotional stuff.
I am sorry I am being crap advice wise! I didn't want to ignore you though, as you are obviously feeling really sad tonight. Hopefully someone with better advice will be along soon.
Take good care of yourself.xx

Original poster
Quootiepie · 10/08/2006 21:58

Thanks xxx

OP posts:
Tickle · 10/08/2006 22:50

Hi Quootie

Just wanted to send a {hug}... my dh can hardly remember my m/C - to him it is just in the past but it will always be important to me. Take care of yourself, and hug your ds a lot.

xx

Original poster
Quootiepie · 10/08/2006 22:56

ooh, thank you for the ((hug)) x

OP posts:
Tickle · 10/08/2006 23:01

you're welcome. how you feeling?

Original poster
Quootiepie · 10/08/2006 23:03

crap... just imersing myself in MN to take my mind off it. Ill fall to peices if I stop.

OP posts:
Tickle · 10/08/2006 23:10

MN is a gold mine for all sorts of distractions that is why I am still sitting here past midnight (in denmark) when I have to work tomorrow

Probably should go to bed! Sending you lots of warm vibes - have a nice evening on mn
T xx

Original poster
Quootiepie · 10/08/2006 23:11

thank you xxx

OP posts:
maazaa · 10/08/2006 23:17

Thank you for replying to my post, Quootie. Just read this and wanted to respond. Hope your other half is home soon so you can be together. Have you thought about planting a little rose or something tomorrow to remember the day?

Original poster
Quootiepie · 10/08/2006 23:21

dont have a garden and its today the "Birthday". DH is useless when hes here... god im a moaner...

OP posts:
maazaa · 10/08/2006 23:24

I cannot begin to imagine how you feel. Did you ever get some grief counselling at the time? The loss is so huge, people sometimes assume it's easier to deal with when it's a MS, but it's not.

maazaa · 10/08/2006 23:25

Do you think DH avoid subject to avoid feeling the pain?

Original poster
Quootiepie · 10/08/2006 23:25

MS?

OP posts:
Original poster
Quootiepie · 10/08/2006 23:26

no councilling... health visitor is sorting some out now for me though because its getting abit much again

OP posts:
Original poster
Quootiepie · 10/08/2006 23:27

DH just keeps thinking im ok... when I say im upset about it hes like "still?"

OP posts:
maazaa · 10/08/2006 23:33

So sorry - wrong abbreviation. MC, I assume? I'm glad health visitor is going to offer some advice. Maybe if you have a few solo sessions and then ask DH to attend - even just to understand how you feel. Maybe you could write him a letter? If you bottle it up, you'll be eaten up.

Just remember there is no time limit for when you should feel "better" and this special date will be extra hard.

Original poster
Quootiepie · 10/08/2006 23:34

scroll down a little... i didnt have a miscarriage

OP posts:
maazaa · 10/08/2006 23:40

oh....i feel so bad for not reading properly.... Am idiot.

please please don't think your grief is less valid because of the circumstances. It obviously wasn't right at the time....

Original poster
Quootiepie · 10/08/2006 23:41

silly reasons... makes it so unbearable...

OP posts:
maazaa · 10/08/2006 23:46

But obviously not silly at that time. Also, the hormonal changes can hugely influence the decision you make and how you view your options. I wish I knew what to say...my heart goes out to you.

Original poster
Quootiepie · 10/08/2006 23:49

hormones were all over the place... and the morning sickness... I was all over the place

OP posts:
Original poster
Quootiepie · 10/08/2006 23:51

DH left me the next day aswell... took me 4 months to prise him away from his parents again to make it worse, they didnt complete the procedure fully and I bled for four weeks before I went to A & E and had to have an ERPC all the while DHs parents were not letting him come near me...

OP posts:
maazaa · 10/08/2006 23:56

Did you suffer with Post Natal depression when your son was born, with the unresolved grief still there? It must have been terribly hard.

It sounds as if you are bearing the burden on your own, a bit. Are your family or friends supportive?

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