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Bereavement

Find bereavement help and support from other Mumsnetters. See also your choices after baby loss.

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Original poster

My mum died tonight

22 replies

Zookiemay · 15/02/2014 04:18

Although she has had lots wrong for years, I assumed she would live forever. She didn't .
I don't even know what I am feeling or why am posting this.
It feels so sudden. I spoke on the phone to her earlier. She sounded happy and now she is just gone. Where is she?
I don't know what to feel or if I am feeling enough?
She is all alone now . We can't see her again until Monday as it's the weekend and they have to take her to the morgue first???

OP posts:

trulymadlydeeply · 15/02/2014 04:21

So sorry to hear of this.
I felt the "Where is she?" bewilderment when my dad died. How can someone be there and then not be?
It will all feel very surreal for a while, so go gently and take care.

SquidgyMummy · 15/02/2014 04:22

Gosh so sorry to hear about your mum.
(((hug)))

Original poster

Zookiemay · 15/02/2014 04:24

She does feels so real.i can't understand it. I'm scared she's lonely

OP posts:

Charlie97 · 15/02/2014 04:46

I am sorry for your loss. (Hugs) xx

GreenSpaghetti · 15/02/2014 04:50

Sorry for your loss. Whatever you're feeling is the right thing for you at this present moment. Don't place any expectations on yourself.

LIttleMissTickles · 15/02/2014 05:10

Oh Zookie, I'm so sorry that your mum is no longer here with you. I believe that she is in heaven with my dad and so many other loved ones, and that they are experiencing the full joy and love and beauty that we can't possible get to here.

Be so gentle and kind to yourself, please try not to have expectations of yourself. You will look back and wonder how you ever got through these early days. I hope that you have some lovely considerate RL friends around to look after you.

Marrow · 15/02/2014 05:19

So sorry Zookie.

Original poster

Zookiemay · 15/02/2014 07:27

I really appreciate that you have taken the time to reply.
I am so crap at this. I fell asleep for a bit and woke to my toddler calling mummy. How awful and selfish is it that I wanted my own mummy. That I looked in the mirror and am embarrassed that I was thinking off myself and that who is going to think that I am the most beautiful and perfect thing on earth - just like I think about my children.
My dad is still here, I know that I am luck. But she's my mummy!

OP posts:

Original poster

Zookiemay · 15/02/2014 07:28

Thank you misstickles, that's what I'm hoping x

OP posts:

LCHammer · 15/02/2014 07:33

Sorry for your loss, Zookie.

FoxyHarlow123 · 15/02/2014 07:38

I am so so sorry for your loss.

PublicEnemyNumeroUno · 15/02/2014 07:42

I'm sorry for your loss

I don't know what your beliefs are, but i believe nobody really leaves us, your mum will be watching over you and your children, she will be reunited with loved ones. She will be in a better place and no longer suffering .

Chopchopbusybusy · 15/02/2014 07:42

I am so sorry for your loss. Emotions are so up and down after the death of someone close. I remember feeling guilty if I laughed about something or woke up in the morning and had forgotten for a split second. It's all normal. Be kind to yourself. Give your DCs lots of cuddles.

crazykat · 15/02/2014 07:52

I'm so sorry for your loss. I was where you are three months ago and it was so hard. That lost feeling not knowing what to think or how you feel.

This is one of the few times in life when its okay to be selfish and think of yourself. I'm a married mum of four but I wanted to stamp my feet like a toddler and shout 'its not fair I want my mum'.

Be good to yourself at this awful time. Do you have someone with you?

If you feel you can or want to talk, there's a thread on here in bereavement for those of us who have lost parents. I can't link as on phone but it really helped me when I lost my mum.

DowntonTrout · 15/02/2014 07:53

Zookiemay

I am so sorry for your loss. I have been though this recently too. There is no explaining the bereftness you feel in the hours and days after someone has gone. And don't worry that you had a selfish thought, you are entitled to that. I did too- I suddenly thought- that's it, I'm am orphan now. How ridiculous, I'm a grown woman. But these little thoughts will keep hitting you and that is perfectly normal.

I don't know what your beliefs are but there is a poem called A ship Sails. It has lines in it saying - She is gone- Gone where? And your thoughts reminded me of it. It is about a ship sailing and disappearing from view over the horizon, but just as it does, others, on the other side take up the cry "Here she comes." I found that thought really comforting.

My thoughts and best wishes are with you.

Fayrazzled · 15/02/2014 07:55

So sorry to hear of your loss, Zookiemay. My mum died a fortnight ago and it is so hard. Take it hour by hour and day by day. Place no expectations on yourself. There is no right or wrong way to do this. We are all here for you. Xxx

Spacefrog35 · 15/02/2014 10:20

I'm so sorry for your loss.

I don't know if it will help but I have had the privilege of being with two people as they ended their journeys with us & moved on. I'm not religious but on both occasions it was very, very obvious that their 'soul', their 'being' had gone and the thing that was left was just the vessel that had carried them. It's always given me great comfort to know that it wasn't 'them' that was in the morgue or at the funeral it was just their transport system. I don't believe your mum will be lonely as I don't believe she's there on her own. I don't know exactly where she is but I'm sure she will be watching you and reaching out to give you strength when she can.

You're all in my thoughts

sooperdooper · 15/02/2014 10:21

I'm very sorry for your loss, thinking of you, your family, and your mum

NearTheWindmill · 15/02/2014 10:34

I am so sorry to hear about your mum and how you are feeling. I hope you get through the next few days and am sure you will albeit slowly but hopefully very surely.

It sounds as though your mum probably wasn't very old but you will always have a very big part of her in yourself and also in your children. I remember the day after my dad died and my 5 year old put his hands on my knees and said "but mummy, don't cry because he's in heaven now with Jesus and that's good". It wasn't the words that brought me back but my dad's eyes; looking at me very earnestly recreated to a tee in my son along with many little expressions. DS is 19 now and I still see my dad in him almost every day.

I'm sure what your mum would want right now is that you look after yourself, put yourself first for a while, make sure you eat regularly and keep yourself strong so that you are there for your children and her granchild.

Thinking of you. . xxxx

champagnegoldfinch · 15/02/2014 10:36

So sorry for your loss zookie

I lost my Grandma last week and the poem downtown mentioned gives me comfort. It's at the bottom of this page here

Original poster

Zookiemay · 15/02/2014 17:41

Thank you all for taking the time to write.

OP posts:

Agnesmum · 19/02/2014 20:58

So sorry for your loss. I lost my mum at the end of October and it is very hard to deal with but it does get better. I have good and bad days but I know my Mum would want me to carry on, be happy and remember the good times. Be kind to yourself and don't be scared to cry, it does help.

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