how did your dh deal with the death of his mum

[thatlldonicely]

Dh mum died 6 months ago - he was very close to her spoke/text every day and would turn to her for support. all happened quickly over a period of 2 months went into hospital with breathing problems & didnt recover - we were abroad at time as didnt expect things to happen so quickly so he had to fly back to be with her. he has recently (2weeks ago) told me he no longer loves me and things are a mess - ( i am also posting on rel) - i am just wondering how other men have dealt with this - he has said he doesnt feel he has grieved for her - only cried at funeral and he has hardly mentioned her - he is also supporting his dad through this - my dm died 5 years ago & it was horrible but i had him to get me through it. At a time i would have thought he needs me most he is pushing me as far away as possible. he did say that he was unsure of his feelings before this but im sure her death cannot be helping

To be fair, we all grieve differently so the way my DH grieved when his mum died would have no bearing on the way your DH will grieve.

My DH lost his mum 2 years ago to alzheimers. He tells me he did his grieving long ago as it wasn't his mum in the end, it was just her shell. He lost his dad 9 years ago but they weren't that close so after the initial period of shock seemed to get back to normal pretty quickly.

However, he lost his brother to suicide in April this year and this has been the real battle.........he does talk about him a lot, he will cry about him a lot and anything can trigger it, a film, a song, or just anything. I let him take the lead to be honest and just go with how he is feeling.

When my mum died I tended to push people away, didn't particularly talk about it and if I wanted to cry would rather shut myself away and cry on my own so yes, I possibly pushed him away.

Grief is a strange creature so try not to take anything personally at the moment, he is probably all over the place.

thanksbetty thats interesting what you say - i guess i was wondering whether all men behave the same but see it is prob not a gender thing just people dealing with it differently

Taking the bereavement issue out of it for a while, what were the issues before that prompted him to tell you he wasn't sure of his feelings?

Can I ask how you got on with his parents and whether you think that has made a difference ? My DH lost his dad last year ,his parents hadn't spoken to me for 15 years and although he appears to be coping well I do think its been more difficult for him because no one else here is grieving and he has to deal with his mum now whereas when my dad died (1990) we had each other and still do lots with my mum as a couple . Sad really because our children weren't that close to their grandfather so aren't that bothered either .

Hi jean i have posted on the relationships board re other problems dont really want to clog this up with that
flora got on well with parents - saw them poss 2x a month maybe more & did a lot of holidays with them & still spend a lot of time with his dad - this may sound strange but i do not feel as though i am grieving certainly not in the same way as when my mum died - 5 years ago - maybe i just feel that his suffering is going to go far deeper than mine and i need to support him-

So sorry, somehow managed to post on wrong thread.