Please someone talk to me about hospice care for advanced cancer

[gaelicsheep]

I hope it's OK to post in this topic as I'm not bereaved yet, but I really need to talk to people who have been through this already. Mum has been admitted to the local hospice today to try and stabilise her as she has been vomiting for days, not even keeping medication down, she's in so much pain and anti-emetic injections are not working. She was supposed to be starting a course of palliative chemotherapy this week but she is no longer strong enough.

I'm being quick now, but I'll elaborate later as needed. Basically I live a way away and I don't want to panic (me or her) but on the other hand I want to make sure I'm there if she takes a turn for the worse. I tried speaking to the hospice today but all they did is get mum to ring me (which was lovely, don't get me wrong, but I wanted to speak to a member of staff honestly about my mum's situation).

Just now, I would really appreciate it if anyone who has been through this - losing a parent to advanced cancer - could give me a bit of insight into what happened after the hospice first came into the equation. I know everyone's different, but I'm at sea here. Will post again later. Thanks xx

That's exactly what I'm going to try and do something2say. I am here for a few days and I want to just spend some time with her and try to do exactly that. I think there are things she wants to say and to ask, but doesn't quite know how. I just want to be there for her. xx

I will be checking in to see how you are doing x

Thanks S2S. We had a good heart to heart this evening and lots of things were said. It's like she has needed "permission" from us, her family, to stop feeling she has to keep fighting and just relax and let things be. Well she has my permission, and she and my Dad both know they need to have the talk they've both been putting off for so long. x

Hi, so glad to hear that you had a heart to heart. I hope it was lovely and you will always remember it. Poor your Dad, but again hoping they both connect in the way they need to as a married couple. Sounds like a heart wrenching time for you all. Are you there all week? Where are you staying? X

I'm staying with my Dad, and I'm here for most of the week, then DB is taking over until the following week. But we'll see what happens, I may have to stay for longer.

Mum is being absolutely amazing. So brave and dignified. Yesterday, she, my Dad and I had a talk about her funeral. I'm amazed that she was so comfortable talking about it, and I know it's taken a massive weight off my Dad's mind. She threatened to haunt me if I get a particular request wrong - that made me laugh and cry at the same time. I'll never forget that particular piece of black humour at this terrible time. What a brave brave lady my Mum is. Heading back home today, but only for a couple of days I think.

Hi, it sounds so huge, all of it Gaelic. I hope you are bearing up ok. How are the rest of your family?

I'm OK thanks. Back at my Dad's now. He's very weary but doing OK. My DS is struggling a bit with the thought of Granny being so ill, so I think it will probably be better for me to be away for a while so things can continue at home as normal.

I noticed yesterday that Mum is starting to show some slightly worrying signs like picking at the bedclothes, which I understand can be an indicator that things are starting to deteriorate. But someone's coming tomorrow to look at Dad's house with a view to sending her home, I can't imagine for long :-(

Sending you loads of hugs.

Your story could've been written by me. We moved the family to be closer to her however the chemo wasnt helping. 2 weeks and 2 days ago she was given weeks to live. Today we have been told she has a couple of days at most. She has Ovarian and Liver cancer. 5 months ago she was commuting, working full time, walking and living a full life.

Spend as much time as you can with her. It goes too quickly.

Good luck. It is a tough time for you all

Stay with her as long as you can.

how are you doing gaelicsheep?

my hub just lost his mum to cancer, I can imagine what you are going through. sending much love to you xx

Hello. So sorry about your own losses. Sitting in my parents house listening to the doctors next door passing an NG tube. :-(

Hello Gaelic just checking in. So she's at home is she? And had, is that a feeding tube passed in? Sorry you had to hear it. How is everyone? How are you? Been thinking of you xx

Hi. No, it's a tube to drain bowel fluids as she now has a total obstruction. She's heading downhill fast now, barely conscious.

Hiya how's things going, how's your mum? X

I'm new to this. Sorry for that.

I hope things (whatever they are) are as ok as they can be.

If you still need support, please post again.

Hi again. Mum died a couple of days ago. It was ghastly to witness her rapid decline but I'm glad she died at home with us all by her side. Thank you everyone for all your support. xx

Oh no I'm so sorry. That did happen so fast didn't it. I'm so sorry. Were you there at the end?

That times you spent with her was so important, where you had that chat. Poor you Gaelic. Massive hug x

Yes I was there right at the very end, as was my Dad and my DB. I am heartbroken, not that she has gone and is no longer suffering but because she had to suffer this to begin with. It was so cruel, but I'm glad that she got her wish of dying at home and that we were all with her at the end.

So sorry to see this gaelic. Hope you are ok

I am sorry to hear it as well and send you strength love and care xx