Why?

[dunkinhobnobs]

My DS3 was born sleeping at 37 weeks 11 weeks ago just 12 days before my planned C section. By the time I realised his movement had stopped, it was too late and his heart had stopped beating. There were no other signs that something was wrong.
We decided against a PM but they did various other tests on myself and my baby at the birth and this Wednesday we have an appointment to get the results of these.
What if they cant tell us why?
What if they can tell us why and we could have avoided it?
What if he says I have to wait a year before TTC again? (I had a C section).
What if it was something that means they would advise against TTC again?
What if I forget to ask one of my many questions? (I feel like this is my last chance as will be discharged then until pg again).
What if he cant refer us for counselling and we have to pay £50 a session privately in order to get through this?
I am not expecting anyone to have the answers to these questions but they are flying round and round in my head and I just needed to put them down somewhere.

Thank you for reading if you got this far.
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I am so so sorry. I won't pretend that I can even begin to imagine what pain you are going through.I would write down all your questions before you go. You have so many 'what if's' & hopefully you will get some answers which will help you begin to come to terms with your loss & help you to deal with the future. In stressful situations it is often difficult to take in what is being said - could you take a friend in with you who can take notes for you or maybe ask the doctor if you could record your meeting so you can replay it when you are ready to do so. Do either of you have any counselling available through work? Some companies will arrange this for you. There is also SANDS which is a charity for families who have suffered such losses, and of course the Samaritans who may be able to offer you some help. This is all so raw and horrible for you that it will take time & reflection to enable you to start understanding what has happened. Please please don't blame yourself. You need to take one day at a time and just look after each other. Take any offers of help from friends & family. Sending you a big hug x

Sorry for your loss. I lost dc1 in 2012 suddenly at 4 days old. I agree that you should write all your questions down as you think of them and take them with you.

Getting in touch with SANDS might help. For me just knowing there were others who were going through the same thing really helped. I am not sure I would have got through the last 14 months with their support.

Hope you get the answers you need. Its still early days so take one day at a time.

Take care

Thank you both for your kind replies. We have written a long list of questions with space to note a brief reminder of his answers. We are also going to try and work out how to record on our phones as DH is not keen on taking anyone else with us. I am not worried who i get upset in front of but i think he is.
Not long now and at least we will know what we are dealing with and start to move forward with all the facts.
Thank you again for going to the effort of replying.
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I am so sorry. Hope you get some answers. Thinking of you. X

I just wanted to say I am thinking of you today. I hope your appointment goes well.

you will find a link to the sands forum on their website sands. I echo the comment above, I've found being able to talk to & read the experiences of other parents in the same situation totally invaluable.

Hi I remember feeling similar when we went for our PM results and I have to say it brought an awful lot of closure to me. Maybe focus on how much more you will know and how much better you will feel after the meeting.

All the best x

Just an update for those kind enough to reply. As we expected there is no known cause for the death of our baby boy. He really was as perfect as he looked. There was nothing wrong with either of us. It is just a tragedy with no explanation. At least I know nobody did anything wrong. I also know that it could not have been avoided.
We have been told that ideally we would not conceive for 12 months after the c section which is frustrating but I plan to focus on getting my body fit and ready to do it all again.
They have said I would be scanned 2 weekly from 28 weeks and delivered by c section at around 36 weeks and he said we should be very optimistic about the future.
Nobody can bring my baby back but we got the most positive outcome today that we could have hoped for.
Thank you to anyone who took the time to read my ramblings. I had got myself all worked up about the appt and it helped to get it all down in writing.
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So sorry to read this. What was your son's name?

My thoughts are with you

So, so sorry for your loss. I can't imagine the pain you are going through.

I hope today has given you fresh hope...all the best for the future xx

Thank you both.
We named him Finley.
He beautiful and it is such a waste.
Thank God for my DT's who give me a reason to get up everyday.
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