My dad died when I was just a teenager. As a result I was especially close to my mum. After all she was my only parent for more than half of my life. Duribg her funeral I was the strong one. Partly for the benefit of my 2 dc. However, at home after the funeral I cried. (Probably mning). Dh asked me why I was crying a d made the same mistake later that week. My 1st xmas without her was mainly spent with inlaws. Mil gave a daft answer to a question and sil said something along the lines of well at least your mum can't embarrass you.
I am struggling as This christ is going to be spent with inlaws doing exactly what we did duribg that 1st christmas without my mum. Starting to dread it tbh.