(His) Face in Crowds...

[nessus]

2 years and 4 months and I have noticed I am doing this more and more lately...searching for his face in crowded rooms, places and events I know it is likely he would have been found in/at. It makes no sense but still a part of me scans away. With some deluded hope that he might possibly be the next face I see in the crowd. I then I do the what would I do thing - of course I would not be mad at him for doing a disappearing act. Of course I would be willing to move to the ends of the earth to start a new life as people just would not understand about the faking your death/coming back to life bit.

And then I gently remind myself that I brought my husband's ashes home 2 years and 4 months ago and that dead people really do not come back.

Oh OP I have nothing useful to say but couldn't read and run. Thinking of you.

Same here didn't want to read & run. Nothing we can say. I don't think grief ever gets better you just learn to live with it. Hugs to you x

Sometimes when I walk through the park there is a bench in the distance. I wont look at it straight away and I will for my parents to be sitting on it, just looking from a distance if that makes sense, and then I look up. They never are.

Hi Nessus. I go through stages like this . The sensible side of me agrees with you - dead people dont come back. But every night i touch my dm scarf and beg her silently to come to me in my sleep or whenever.

I am so desperate to see her just one more time - sounds like youfeel thesame xxxxx

I do this, I scan the town centre and hold my breath if I see someone who looks like him. If I see someone with longish curly hair and a skateboard under their arm, I want it to be him.
If I hear a skateboard coming along behind me, I want it to be him, I want to turn around and see him smiling at me.

I lost the (then) love of my life nearly 20 years ago and I still see him all the time - in the distance walking away...on television in a crowd. I like to think that there are bits of him out there (a smile, a similar pair of shoes, a walk, a joke he told). After a long time you still look for them as they were, not as they would be now.

Grief bloody well hurts. xxx

God bless you all

Thank you all. I really needed to cry out and be heard and I thank you all for hearing me xx

I don't have any words except to say you're not alone x

I understand in a way. I lost a friend 8 years ago when I was 15. There's a man who lives near me who is the double of him. I do a double take and once I even shouted friends name then it hit me it obviously wasn't him.

That hurt.

I think we all just learn to live with the loss of a loved one but never get used to the idea. We all have hope that they will.return