Am i just too old?

[koonelly]

Hi, sorry if this a bit long winded, but here goes.... since july last year i've had three miscarriages, last one begining of december. i am lucky in that i have a son of 3y and older boys (next youngest 12). All my previous pregnancies were without any real problems, apart from the 3 year old, with him i had to have a c-section because i started bleeding whilst in labour and when he was born he was only 4lb 11oz so small for dates. At time no-one shed any light onto why either of these things could be (apart from blaming my age!-i was 36 at time). I accepted first m/c as one of those things but now i feel there must be some real reason for events or could it all be my age? Up until 3 years ago i had normal pregnancies now the longest i have gone is 12 weeks and nobody can say why.i know i am lucky as i have my sons but still feel the loss. At hospital they again blamed my age (now 39), saw gp and he did a blood test and scan and said all comes back normal so nothing more he can do. I've heard that taking a low dose of asprin can help blood flow to baby so was wondering if anybody has knows about this and whether it will help. Dont know if anybody medical out there but couldn't the problem with my 3year old been also due to poor blood supply to placenta and baby as well as being cause for misscarriages. Also dont know whether any relevance to fact all my children are boys, is it i can't carry girl? I have normal periods and seem to ovulate ok as i have fallen pregnant quite quickly with all my pregnancies and have no reason to think that as few people have said that well i could be starting the 'change'.
sorry if went on a bit but i don't think i can carry on like the last year with hope being raised then dashed again. my partner really wants another baby and know time running out. gp and hospital seem uninterested cos of age and already having a family but i feel need to talk to someone.

Koonelly, so sorry, this must be very very distressing for you. I really don't know anything about this, BUT I thought the main problem with age was that your fertility may decline, and you are clearly fertile and conceiving...so, if you can face trying, there is clearly hope. I was 42 when I got pregnant with DS and 43 when he was born, so the age boundaries are very flexible: I think your gp and hospital are being very insensitive, and might be not taking it seriously enough to do proper investigations? Also talk of beginning menopause: wouldn't that stop you conceiveing in the first place, rather than cause miscarriage? I wonder if you can demand a hormone level blood test? I wonder if you can get them to take you seriously...make a fuss, get referred elsewhere, a specialist clinic? They're just fobbing you off, aren't they? Sorry, other people will have more knowledge about what to do, but i do think they are treating you outrageously, and i do sympathise.

Koonelly, I lost a baby for reasons unknown at 39 and had a successful pregnancy at 40 so I would say you are NOT too old to have another baby successfully. There are lots of us mums on here who are in their very late 30s and early 40s with babies.
I am not a medical expert but wondered with three miscarriages whether your GP or the hospital have offered you a referral to a recurrent miscarriage clinic. There are other threads on here about these specialist units and people who have used them are here too. I know there is one in London at St Mary's in Paddingon, but there are others elsewhere in the UK.
If you have had three miscarriages I would have thought you meet the NHS criteria for referral and no-one should be dismissing your situation because you are 39. If you were willing to PAY for IVF they wouldn't be telling you you were too old, I bet.
Do you know what the blood test your GP did was for? If it was for antiphospholid (Hughes) syndrome, a clotting disorder, and you tested negative, then I think aspirin may not be beneficial. But I think you ought to have all your tests done again by experts who will give you the medical and pastoral support you deserve. For example, I believe there is more than one type of clotting disorder and not all hospitals test for the full range, just for the commonest.
I'm really sorry to hear about your miscarriages. You'll find lots of support here.

I don't know, I'm so sorry. But I think blaming everything on your age when you're not yet 40 isn't justified. Plenty of us had babies older than you.

Oh, the others posted. Knew you would. The MN older mothers rally round (I'm 40 too, btw)!

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koonelly

I really feel for you in that I too had 3 miscarriages last year. All at the 4 - 6 week stage so very early on. Unlike you though I had a fantastic doctor who referred me to the miscarriage clinic at The Womens Hospital in Liverpool. At 36 I also though it was age but I am now just over 8 weeks pregnant again and have already had two scans for reassurance. My tests regarding the earlier miscarriages have also come back clear so I feel much more relaxed.

So - the first thing I would do in your shoes is to get the Lesley Regan book on miscarriages - it is brilliant and very reassuring especially if you want to try again. I ordered mine on Amazon and had it three days later. The second is to somehow get a referral to your nearest miscarriage clinic. If your doctor won't do it I am sure you could get a second opinion. You certainly fit the criteria for a referral.

There are a number of threads under the miscarriage section. Sorry can't do links but if you scroll down the list you will see one about miscarriage clinics and various peoples experiences.

BTW I do not think you are too old at all!

Best of luck.

I would just like to add my voice to those saying its not that you're too old! I'm 39 too and am only a few weeks pregnant, so obviously I don't know how it will go yet, but if I was in your position I would demand to be referred. Just because we already have a family it doesn't mean we aren't entitled to proper medical help.

I lost my first one, a girl, and have since carried two boys. I must admit, if I lost another and it was a girl I would be wondering about whether I can carry girls - I vaguely remember there being something said about being able to carry one sex only but I'm not sure if it was boys because of a particular problem.

Anyway - good luck to you. Go back to your docs and give em hell. My thoughts are with you.

koonelly, so sorry to hear about your miscarriages in the past year. It's heartbreaking, I know. I don't believe that you are too old like everyone else has said, and you are able to become pregnant, so if there is a problem, it's something else - if there is a problem of course. I would ask your doctor to refer you to a miscarriage clinic where you would have access to specialists and consultants. I have had 2 mc and a termination ( that would have been a mc) and was not referred because they did not happen 'in a row'. I have pushed for tests from my gp and have had a lot of bloodwork done, so far everything is coming back negative. I too, have a copy of the book that Eyelash mentioned ( Lesley Regan, What every women should know about mc)it's an excellent book.
Please don't give up hope - and there are lots of us here in a similar position, still trying. Check out some of the other threads too in this area, they were a lot of help to me in the past 8 months or so.
Lots of luck
hana

koonelly I don't think you are too old for starters, sorry to her about your miscarriages

I have a friend who had about 6 miscarriages (or more) and were trying for over 17 years to have a child. Those miscarriages were all boys. They gave up hope, did the adoption route and that failed them. Life somehow changed and now they are happy with a little girl. She had her at 38.

There must be some truth in that story of you can carry only one sex. Don't know.

I hope you are given the correct referrals and don't lose hope. Good luck.

Koonelly, I am so sorry you feel so bad at the moment. I have had 2 miscarriages (both at the end of the first trimester). The second was October of last year. I had an understanding ob/gyn (luckily I had already been referred for fertility problems) and he did loads of blood tests but everything came back negative. I already have one son but the ob/gyn still readily agreed to all the tests (on the NHS) even though I had only miscarried twice rather than the prerequisite 3. If you have lost 3 pregnancies you should definately be eligible for some investigative work, if I were you, I'd find a more understanding gp.

As others have said, if you were close to menopausal, conceiving would probably be difficult. I am 37 and aware of time going by but have been assured by the many older mums here that age isnt necessarily an issue.

After reading up on miscarriage (the Lesley Regan book is excellent) I was convinced I had a blood-clotting disorder (such as Hughes syndrome, anti-phospholipid syndrome, lupus). These disorders are apparently quite a common cause of recurrent miscarriage but diagnostic blood tests are very unreliable. I have tested negative for these disorders but am still a bit suspicious so am taking vitamion E which is an alternative to aspirin for thinning blood. I dont think it can do any harm. How many weeks pg were you before each miscarriage?

I could speak for hours on this subject so pls keep talking. Here is a link to a thread I started after my second miscarriage. I hope you find it useful here .

BTW I asked my ob/gyn about the possibility that I cant carry girls but he said that particular disorder was very rare indeed.

Wow, thank you all for your support and reassurance, i was feeling like giving up hope, but now realise i was justified in being upset with everything being blamed on my age. (was starting to get complex!) Must admit bunny that i also looked up about blood clotting and i seem to fit all the signs, however whilst at hospital for last m/c i asked about test, they did do a test, but it was only hours after i had had injection of heperin to thin blood! I would have thought this would have effected result, but doc says shouldn't do. Anyway came back ok, but if test are not 100% conclusive maybe still that. Whats this about vit E, haven't heard about that one. Asked doc about asprin but he said could help but also if started bleeding would bleed more, so not sure what to do. After hearing what everybody says will be brave and be a bit more forceful with gp as i just can't carry on as have been.

thank you

Koonelly, you must get the Leslie Regan book, it has alot of info about blood clotting disorders, and the author has done some pioneering work on blood clotting and miscarriage.

Re vitamin C, I have been reading up on natural solutions to infertility and miscarriage. There is a thread - I'll find it for you - on nutrition and conception which you might find interesting.
www.mumsnet.com/Talk?topicid=1366&threadid=18746&stamp=040223082747\here

There is some info about vit E on it. Basically vit E has been shown to help lessen risks of heart attacks and other diseases caused by blood clotting. Alot of sources claim it is more effective than aspirin. Presumably it could also cause bleeding to worsen.

try again!

I don't know if this is still a current thread, but have just read koonelly's entry of 23 Feb. I ditto all responses, (had one full term pregnancy followed by two miscarriages 9 and 11 weeks) but would also add I was lucky enough to find a V. sympathetic consultant who agreed to scan me every week in the early stages with subsequent pregnancies - it was hugely reassuring - something Lesley Regan's book aknowledges and that coupled with LOW Dose Aspirin daily for first three months led to three further successful pregnancies, last one just shy of 40 - so don't be put off and insist on it, good luck.

Amby, you sound identical to me. I am 7 weeks into my 4th pregnancy now. I have a ds who is nearly 4, after having him I miscarried twice at 9 and 10 weeks. Now I am getting fortnightly scans and taking aspirin. I hope my outcome is as good as yours! Thanks for your input.

To Hana, Bunny2 and Koonelly - Please DO NOT give up if the doctors give a negative for "blood clotting". I had 2 "false negative" tests for Antiphospholid Antibodies ("APA") - the thick blood or blood clotting problem. I had 2 blood tests after 2 miscarriages and told there was nothing wrong. After the 3rd miscarriage at 12 weeks I was referred to Lesley Regan's miscarriage clinic at St Mary's Hospital. Many of the women at the clinic had been given "false negative" blood test results ie we were told there was nothing wrong with our blood when we were tested. The problem is that many of the laboratories do not perform the test properly - even at excellent hospitals where they think they are doing the test correctly. I had a very well known Harley St doctor and was tested at one be the best laboraties in London. But I was given two false negatives. At Professor Regan's clinic they know when to test, they take the blood to be tested within one hour of it being taken (apparantly a common problem is many other laboratories do not do this), they repeat the test several times and their methods are very ground breaking and sensitive. After I was tested at Professor Regan's clinic I diagnosed with APA. I then had a 4th pregnancy during which I was treated with Heparin and aspirin. The pregnancy was fine. I now have a beautiful, healthy daughter. PLEASE get a referal to Professor Regan and go through all the tests with her team - you feel like a pin cushion and you cannot believe they could possibly take more blood out of you but she may find something and be able to treat it. Good luck.