Do I tell family member how I feel (all good) before she passes away?

[Woolyboots]

Very close family member will pass away very soon, and I'm torn whether to send a card with a bit of a "I want you to know how much I love you" sentiment. I don't want them to feel like I'm doing it because they are dying, but actually I am, because I feel I should tell her how much she means to me whilst I can. We don't usually tell each other we love each other, it's just understood, but I want her to know how much I love her and what a positive influence ahe has been in my life.

So, has anyone been in this position? What would you do or say? Many thanks for any help. I haven't got long to decide.

I think you should do it.

Always say everything

definitely do it. I lost my step dad this year and am so glad I told him how much I loved him and how lucky I felt I was to have got him as a 'bonus parent' We both cried but it was lovely for both of us to acknowledge that love.

I'm so sorry for the sad situation you are in.

Do it. Say whatever you have to say. There's nothing worse than regrets later on.

Thanks so much for that. I will do it then, although it will be so difficult to write. At least I will not regret not telling her then when the time comes. Thank you.

Definitely do it. I wrote to my grandfather before he died because I didn't want him to be in any doubt about how incredibly important he was to me. After he died, my mum went through his things and found a box of his treasured possessions in his room, and in it was my letter to him.

I will always regret not writing to my beloved aunt before she died. It's what made me determined to write to my grandfather.

Littlefish and BiBi I'm glad you got to say what you wanted to before your loved ones passed away. Thanks for sharing that with me, I've written a letter and will post it today in a lovely card I found. I feel a little embarrassed actually as we have never said how we feel but know I will more likely regret not sending it and doubting she knew iyswim. I just feel so incredibly sad now.

I wrote a letter to my dad 6 years ago when he was in hospital with cancer and it was not known whether he would have a good outcome. I know my dad loves me and vice versa but we are not a touchy feely kind of family and struggle to show feelings or emotions - its just 'known'.

FOrtunately he came through and lives to tell the tale 6 years later but i will never regret sending that letter and i know he often looks at it.

I think we always regret the things we dont do rather than the things we do.

Do it.

I will always regret not doing so with my grandma. The last time I saw her was christmas day 2006. Dh, 1 year old ds and I went in the morning to the hospital. We had a lovely hour where she cuddled ds and we took some of his presents so she could watch him (the first xmas he was 8 weeks old and she was so excited she'd opened all his presents .

And when it was time to leave I said 'See you later' and then got in the lift and sobbed because I knew I wouldn't ever see her again and I am a coward .

Absolutely. The best piece of advice I ever had was to use the time when my mum was dying to say all the things I wanted to say. We were really not touchy-feely but I felt honoured to have the last few days with her, and able to say how I really felt.

In typical fashion our last 'meaningful' conversation ended with her saying 'I think I've said all the meaningful things I need to say. So, now we've got time for the fun stuff..' I'll always remember that bit too.