my wonderful husband went to work a few weeks ago - we'd had a lovely weekend - just laughing and talking about our new found freedom as the last of our 3 sons had just moved out - he phoned at dinner for something daft and we just laughed and i finished the call saying "it's a good job I love you" he then walked across the warehouse floor and collapsed. His boss came and said he had collapsed at work and took me to the hospital -I was laughing saying he wont be happy if he has to miss his golf at the weekend - the nurse took me into a room - and said i had to wait for the doctor - i thought "gosh he wont be happy if he has to stop in overnight"- then a young doctor came in and looked at me and i just knew - my whole world collapsed.
He had a post mortem and the coroner said it was a blocked artery - he was fit and healthy but it was one of those 1 in a million chances. He had died instantly. I had to phone my 3 sons and I never want to hear cries like that again.
We had the funeral - we had been married 32 years, he had been in the army for 20 years and the church was packed - I managed to speak about our love before they played our favourite music i needed to say one more time to him" listen they are playing our song."
I coped really well the first month I think. I went back to work and everyone has been so kind - but the reality has hit me that i will never see him again and my heart is breaking- i just feel completely shattered and that I will never be happy again - how can he just not come back.