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Bereavement

Find bereavement help and support from other Mumsnetters. See also your choices after baby loss.

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Original poster

My sister has gone.

30 replies

shallweshop · 17/08/2013 15:20

I can't believe I am writing this about my clever, funny, beautiful big sister but she died on Thursday night. She had been ill with liver and kidney problems since march and was in hospital for 4 months. She came out in June and was making slow but steady progress. Then on Sunday she became ill again and was admitted to critical care where they found out she had an infection. She deteriorated rapidly and we lost her on thursday.

I am so scared about the journey I have to face. We lost our dad 16 months ago and our mum 7 years ago but we faced the losses together and she was always the strong one. She was my only sister. I can't begin to think how I am going to cope when the reality of not having her in my life any more really hits.

I have my DH and 2 DC but have now lost all of my original family. The weight of grief is suffocating.

OP posts:

Cravingdairy · 17/08/2013 15:27

I'm so sorry.

I don't know you but I bet you are stronger than you think.

The grief is the first stage of your journey back to a normal life, where you can enjoy your happy memories of your sister. Take it second by second, minute by minute. Let people help you.

Again, I'm so so sorry.

Back2Two · 17/08/2013 15:33

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn due to privacy concerns

ExcuseTypos · 17/08/2013 15:38

I'm sorry too. You must feel totally overwhelmed. Losing your lovely sister, but also your mum and dad.

It is very early days so as Craving says, just take things minute by minute. You will be able to get through this, you are stronger than you think.

Hellonewworld · 17/08/2013 15:39

I'm so sorry to hear this, Sending love to you and your family my thoughts are with you x

mummylin2495 · 17/08/2013 15:39

I understand how you feel as I too lost a sister. But in my case she was the youngest sibling. I am very sorry for your loss

Original poster

shallweshop · 17/08/2013 16:22

Thanks everyone. It helps to write it down. I think I may be back on here a bit over the next few weeks/months.

OP posts:

Secretswitch · 17/08/2013 16:30

My heart goes out to you. Losing someone you love is gut wrenching. Please know we will be here to listen and hold your hand in the coming days. Love and hugs xx

buzzgirly · 17/08/2013 20:30

I'm so sorry x

PattieOfurniture · 17/08/2013 20:41

I can't begin to imagine what you're going through. So sorry for your loss, look after yourself x

shellyf · 17/08/2013 20:41

Thinking of you

wokeupwithasmile · 17/08/2013 20:54

Unfortunately the pain is never going to go away, but you can concentrate on the good memories, on having been so lucky to have her in your life, on living your life to the full for her, too.
My condolences.

Lilyloo · 17/08/2013 21:01

I am so sorry for your losses x

MrsFrederickWentworth · 17/08/2013 21:03

I'm so sorry. Sisters are very important, no matter how well you get on with them and yours sounds lovely.

The grief will be awful, but slowly you will be able to remember her as she was before she was ill.

When you are working with her family, if she has any, can you put together books if remembrance?

Imsosorryalan · 17/08/2013 21:09

I'm so sorry for your loss. I didn't want to read and run. Do you have any RL friends you can talk to?

Original poster

shallweshop · 17/08/2013 21:44

Thank you for your posts.

Mrsfred - she has a DH and 2 sons and a book of remembrance is a lovely idea.

Imsosorry - yes,I am lucky to have some very good real life friends around me.

OP posts:

StickEmUp · 17/08/2013 21:45

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BabylonReturns · 17/08/2013 21:47

I'm so sorry for your loss shallweshop

You will get some great advice here, but above all, be kind to yourself.

BIWI · 17/08/2013 21:51

I am so sorry for your loss, shallweshop.

I can't begin to imagine you must feel, so I'm not even going to try

But as others have said, please, please, please, be kind to yourself.

JustBecauseICan · 17/08/2013 21:53

So sorry. xx

dontmixthecolours · 18/08/2013 08:03

I'm so sorry

HenWithAttitude · 18/08/2013 08:11

I am so sorry for your losses. Look after yourself.

Writing things down is a great way to sort your thoughts out. Even if you move on from writing on this thread, consider blogging or another outlet. A very wise counsellor told me to write with no audience...(I emailed myself). Give no consideration to grammar or spelling just furiously get words on a page as you feel those thoughts. Once I'd vented my emotion I felt calmer and re-reading my words was very helpful for me to identify the crux of my grief and deal with it

GRW · 18/08/2013 08:15

I am so sorry for your devastating loss, and it's hard that you have no one from your immediate family to share your grief with. My sister died 15 years ago on 15th August too, and so I have some appreciation of how painful it is for you in these early days.

t875 · 18/08/2013 10:18

Oh my word you poor thing! What he'll you have been through and now the loss of your sister.

I lost my mum last year and I still struggle on and off.
I did have councilling for 4 sessions with CRUSE bereavement and I also called their generic number and spoke to them a few times when I felt that bad. I know what you mean about the suffocated feeling I think it was the shock for me as my mum literally died in her sleep with a massive stroke. Here one day gone the next. I felt physically sick and had panic attacks. I definitely think the councilling and a couple of good friends and also this forum on the losing a parent forum helped me. It was good to talk to them!

Please come and find us there if you need to rant or chat.
Hugs to you for what you are going to go through xx

t875 · 18/08/2013 10:20

To add will be thinking of you I'm so very sorry to hear this. On a practical note don't know if this will help it did help me Bach flower rescue remedy is really good. 2 sprays on the tongue will calm you when your really bad. Take care xx

Original poster

shallweshop · 18/08/2013 22:27

Thank you. I have emailed CRUSE as I really think that I will need some help with this one. Today has been strangely ok as I haven't cried very much. I think I am in denial and am kidding myself on some level that she is still here. I live an hour away from her house so it is easy for me to pretend.

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