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Original poster

I should have been starting maternity leave this week

21 replies

FN · 13/06/2006 12:52

I got to work this morning and was reminded that this week would have been my last week at work prior to maternity leave for my angel no.1. I had a mc in November and then got pg again and lost again end of Feb, trying for our first. I just can't seem to get my head around it its got me so upset. DH is great saying our day will come but I just can't stop thinking that it will happen again and our time will not come. Due to work insecurities we can't try again until I secure another job and that just isn't happening.

Just wanted to get it off my chest as in rl people don't know how to talk about it and often just ignore it. RL friends and family think I am over it and when I try and talk they are either shocked or feel awkward, it feels like they think I should have moved on but I can't cos in past 8 months I have been pg twice without success.

I have 2 lovely step DD's but that just doesn't seem enough. Sad

OP posts:
Angsthase · 13/06/2006 12:59

Just wanted to say how sorry I am you're having a crap time. SadSadSad

I think only people who have m/c'd can really understand what you're going though.

sweetheart · 13/06/2006 13:05

FN, sorry your having such a crap time - I totally understand how you are feeling. I should have a baby boy turning one this month which I m/c in Jan of last year.

Fortunatly I have a 6 month old bundle now so your husband is right your time WILL come. It does make anniversaries like these easier - but you'll never forget.

pepperpots · 13/06/2006 13:06

Oh hun huge hugs for you ((((((((())))))) SadSad xxxxxxx

sandradee · 13/06/2006 13:10

FN, I'm so sorry.

If it makes you feel any better - I'm sure you DH is right and your day will come.

I had a mc in feb 2004 and all my friends and family thought I was over it - but I was not.

I know that this is your second mc so you must be feeling so low but I have got friends of friends who have had 5 or 6 mc and they still have 3 children!

I know that Drs advise waiting a bit before trying to conceive again. When I had my miscarriage in the Feb I thought *k it I'm going to go skiing (which I would not have been able to do since I was pregnant) and eat lots of blue cheese, drink oodles of red wine and enjoy the summer - which I did (I spent a lot of it in a blur - most likley I was in denial about my sadness).

Anyway we did conceive again - I waited four months and now have a DS of 14 months.

So chin up love and please try not to get too depressed about it. It's so hard because noone can really understand how it feels but it will get better and I am so sure things will work out right for you in he end.

xx

Original poster
FN · 13/06/2006 13:25

Thanks ladies, I knew this time of year would be hard as will September/October but it's like you can't see the wood for the trees. I know the past few months I have changed into this miserable person who can't be bothered to do anything and I just hope that sometime soon I will come out of this hole.

Sandradee understand what you are saying, I am trying to focus on the postives that summer I can drink and do what I like and I have a holiday booked in Sept. But I am ok one minute then another I think how I wish I could exchange this for being pg full term.

When I have seen heavily pg ladies recently I have really sad thoughts in my head like that should have been me etc. It seems loads of people are having babies except me Sad I suppose its just magnified in my head, I know this but ...well I just don't know what I am thinking

OP posts:
SKYTVADICT · 13/06/2006 13:35

Your thread nearly made me cry (and I'm at work!)

I mc'd in April and have all this to come (had written in my diary when leave due to start and found it the other day). I totally understand what you are going through. Other people do forget and sometimes I do as well then it all hits me again!

Hope you can find a way out of the hole and stop feeling sad Sad soon x

sandradee · 13/06/2006 13:40

On September the 10th 2005 I thought about my child who died at 8 weeks since that is when he would have been born and he would have been a year old(I had a missed mc so I carried until 1 was 12 weeks)

This is despite the fact I have a wonderful DS - and as a result of that I am so grateful.

It will never go away but in time it will get better.

Thinking of you FNx

Original poster
FN · 13/06/2006 14:04

God I am so caught up in myself...I am so sorry to hear of your losses too ladies, please forgive me. I hope your pain eases soon and the memories get easier to deal with. MN is great for meeting ladies who understand having been through things its just such a shame we have to meet under these circumstances.

Have any of you done anything as a memorial of your angels? I was thinking of getting a plant that flowers every year around June as a memory, but not being a keen gardener I don't know which ones do at the moment.

OP posts:
Marina · 13/06/2006 14:13

FN, I am so sorry to hear of your miscarriages :(
Anniversaries of any sort are very hard to get through IME. Venting on MN does help because people in rl do forget remarkably quickly, I know.
We have a crabapple tree for our prematurely stillborn son Tom. It doesn't flower in June though...but we get year round pleasure from the little red apples (which tend to stay on the branches over winter), the bright green leaves and the pretty white blossom in Spring.
My favourite June flowering shrub is lavender - lots of advantages! Sweet-smelling, child-friendly and attracts "good" insects especially bumble-bees. The scent is traditionally associated with soothing and comfort - used a lot in aromatherapy. We got some Hidcote lavender to go round Tom's tree for precisely those reasons.
We already had a ds when we lost Tom and have since had the completely unexpected gift of a dd. I wish you the very best of luck in job-hunting and then with trying again when you both feel ready. XXX

Nemo1977 · 13/06/2006 14:19

Aww sweetie hugs to you.
Prior to having my ds I had 2 mcs I then had ds who is now 2 and then had a further missed mc before going on to have my lovely 6mth old daughter. I am currently pregnant again and so far all seems well from scan 3 wks ago...as others have said your time will come belive me. The time from my 2 mcs to having ds was a long time and I was convinced I would never have my own children. Now I have two beautiful children with a third possibly on the way. I still sting from remembering anniversaries of when my babies would have been born but it does get easier.

Original poster
FN · 13/06/2006 14:45

Marina, so sorry to hear about the loss of Tom Sad and thank you I will look at lavender, it kind of fits in with the peace too.

Nemo sorry to hear of your losses too and congratulations and best wishes for your pg. I guess these anniversaries will always hurt but maybe get easier to deal with.

I will probably take a trip to the garden centre this weekend and choose my plant/shrub. Thank you all for the support, comments and reassurance that there is light at the end of the tunnel. I guess I am very impatient too and want everything yesterday. xx

OP posts:
Northerner · 13/06/2006 14:48

FN - I've just seen this and couldn't not post. I too had a MC at easter so I totally know how you feel.

Your dh is right, your time will come.
Take care
xx

suejonez · 13/06/2006 14:55

Many roses flower in June and last all through the summer, choose a scented one and you'll have something beautiful as a memorial to your baby.

JILS · 13/06/2006 15:01

FN, just to say I'm thinking of you.

CarlyP · 13/06/2006 15:09

im sorry your down, and sure youre time will come some day. thinking of you and your angels.

cx

Nemo1977 · 13/06/2006 16:12

FN I didnt plant anything but bought a statue called angel of the heart to remind me of my angels.

oinker · 13/06/2006 16:46

FN.......

)))))))))))))))))))))))))))HUGS(((((((((((((((((((

Original poster
FN · 13/06/2006 17:15

Thanks Jils

Nemo another good idea regarding statue as are the roses Sue.

Oinker thanks, how are you? I know you have had an awful time with things, I don't know how you have managed you have been very brave. I have everything crossed for you and your LR apts.

Carlyp hope you are ok?

Northener Sad for you too.

I keep day dreaming of how it would have been and what I would be doing if it had all gone to plan...going to try and think of some nicer things I think to try and cheer me up.

OP posts:
oinker · 13/06/2006 17:23

I'm OK...

I had a bit of a downer today. GP called to say my histology report was fine. I just got a little upset thinking about what they had been doing to my beanie..
It sounds really stupid now. Anyway, am at home now and feel loads better. Trying to stay positive. Smile

Original poster
FN · 13/06/2006 17:27

oh {{{{{{{hugs}}}}}} to you hun, the things that go through the minds hey, how complex the body is it would be helpful if it could protect us in someway wouldnt it.

Postive dust/vibes coming your way.xx

OP posts:
oinker · 13/06/2006 19:48

We will all get through this.

These kinda days will always be there. Any little thing will triger us off.

The comforting thing is that mumsnetters are always here. Smile

THANKS

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