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Original poster

Trinityrhinos Unspeakably Shit Stuff part two

954 replies

TrinityRhino · 14/05/2013 20:39

Hi everyone
Thank you for so much help and such kind words x

OP posts:
BewitchedBotheredandBewildered · 29/05/2013 15:52

You are sweet you two Smile xxx (((Mouse+Trin))) Thanks

Fairenuff · 29/05/2013 17:24

Trinity I just wanted to let you know that my thoughts are with you, your girls and Cliff's family. I'm going to go back and read the 18 pages I've missed here. Will be back later lovely x

PacificDogwood · 29/05/2013 21:51

Trin, still thinking of you.
Slightly too much RL going on here for much meaningful MNing to go on Hmm.

Well done to photo retrieval and backing up, spider holding and party hosting. You are a pillar of strength woman.

Arf @ motorbike - our housespiders are Harely worthy

Mouseface · 29/05/2013 22:10

Blush Blush Blush

TripleB - you made me blush!

Thing is, I have 'known' the most lovely Trin since Neil died. She came over to the Brave Babes threads after a bit of brutal torture gentle persuasion, and told us all about her drinking, how it was her default setting, it was the ONLY thing that blanked the loss, her way to cope with the pain, the memories, the guilt, the aching deep, deep within her heart..... to stop the need, to stop the tears, her DD's tears, questions, blame..... the realisation that he would never come back. Ever.

Never walk through the door again and shout 'Hey'....... Sad

And now? Well, here we are again. Unbelievable as it seems, unreal as it seems, we are here again, with our dear friend TrinityRhino, facing loss, pain, tears, anger, confusion, sorrow and emptiness. All over again. It's not fair is it?

Life can be so fucked up at times, sorry to swear, but really? Again? Trin has to face this shit again? Why?!

What did she do? What did Cliff do? There are no rules, no reasons, no justifications as to why it has to be this way......... I hate that my friend's heart has been broken again but this time, this time, she has us. All of us.

Everyone who posts here knows the sorrow and pain that Trin faces. Again.

BUT THIS TIME YOU ARE SOBER!!! BRILLIANT! I am so proud of you! You are not in need of the booze because Cliff gave you the strength to deal with anything that life throws at you, he taught you how to cope, to breath again, how to be you, how to look forward again. He feathered your wings so that you can carry the girls too, to fly up high above the pain should you need to......... and you will. We're all here under you, watching you, here for you.

Not long now darling friend, not long.

Please know and believe that tomorrow is just another day, 24 little hours, I'll be here, as will all of the other wonderful posters who have helped, held your hand, felt your sorrow.......... we're all still here.

Night lovely. Sleep well with the girls, and Pup, in the Sanctuary tonight.

Love to you all, Mouse xxx

FayeKorgasm · 29/05/2013 22:18

Trinity. I've been reading your posts since you lost your lovely Cliff. I can't begin to imagine how you have carried on but my god you have been amazing.

I wish you continued strength. Thanks

NorksAreMessy · 29/05/2013 22:21

mouse that was lovely

trinity I am standing with you and sending you love x

Original poster
TrinityRhino · 29/05/2013 22:45

oh mouse youve reduced me to tears but thank you soo much
im glad these threads arent going to dissappear in chat

OP posts:
OpheliaBumps · 29/05/2013 23:39

Oh mouse that's beautiful, made me cry too.

Thinking of you all Trin, sending hugs x

BewitchedBotheredandBewildered · 30/05/2013 01:04

It's just that your wonderfully effusive posts, Mouse, say what I would struggle to articulate, even to someone that I really knew.

And Trinity replies with a few words that convey a connection between you that leaps out of my screen and warms my heart.

You will be fine Trinity, with your wonderful close and extended family, with the strong wings Cliff has helped you grow, and with Mouse under those wings catching the feathers that fall.

And all the rest of us wanting and willing the best for you, cheering you on and waving our pompoms.

BBB xxx

Original poster
TrinityRhino · 30/05/2013 07:04

morning all.

ive been contemplating not going to the funeral
but I think I just wanted to know I dont have to iyswim

I may not go in the funeral cars though. its a long journey and I may need to drive myself to keep a hold of my panic

that would be ok wouldn't it?

OP posts:
Trumpton · 30/05/2013 07:16

Thinking of you .xx

Almostfifty · 30/05/2013 07:33

You do what you feel you want to Trin. Thinking of you.

BeerTricksPotter · 30/05/2013 08:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BewitchedBotheredandBewildered · 30/05/2013 09:08

I think being in your own space, your car, is a good idea, but maybe have someone with you who could share the driving if you wanted them to.

Original poster
TrinityRhino · 30/05/2013 09:09

I think I want to go but I cant bear to have a panic attack in front of other people as, for me, it involves, retching, inability to speak, shaking, dribbling....not the most classy thing to be seen doing Grin

OP posts:
Original poster
TrinityRhino · 30/05/2013 09:19

MOUSE

it just arrived, thankyou so much, all absolutely perfect and wonderful

faaaaaanks Grin

OP posts:
daisydotandgertie · 30/05/2013 09:19

Trin - I lost my beloved DH at the beginning of April and drove myself to the funeral. I followed the hearse myself, in our car, just so my lovely DH wasn't on his own.

You do what you think is right for you. It's actually all that matters.

I'll be thinking of you today.

Original poster
TrinityRhino · 30/05/2013 09:25

hi daisydot, how are you doing?

so sorry for your loss

thankyou for your kind words, I think just knowing that I can choose to drive myself makes me panic less

OP posts:
Original poster
TrinityRhino · 30/05/2013 09:50

oh god, someone help
cdd1 is crying and arguing on the phone with her oldest brother

and cds2's little boy have been ill overnight in the hotel so I'm now panicking about me getting ill

I'm an emetophobe...I'm sure everyone knows this...

OP posts:
Original poster
TrinityRhino · 30/05/2013 09:51

I cant cope with confrontation

OP posts:
Goldmandra · 30/05/2013 09:57

Can you get out of the house and go for a short walk to clear your head and calm down a bit?

Arguing is normal at a horrible time like this. They might calm down and sort it out themselves, especially if you're not there for a few minutes.

OpheliaBumps · 30/05/2013 09:59

Oh Trin if you do have a panic then no-one will be at all surprised, it's your beloved dp's funeral ffs, if you can't panic there, where can you?

Regarding cds2's boy, it's probably not a bug. Little kids often puke at big family events, I think they get overwhelmed at the thought of seeing everyone. But, to reassure yourself, take some handwash gel stuff so you can wash your hands as often as you want.

Thinking of you all x

Goldmandra · 30/05/2013 09:59

Don't focus on worrying about getting ill. If it's a bug you've probably already had it and it could easily be because of the change of routine or something he ate.

((((HUGS))))

Goldmandra · 30/05/2013 10:01

it's your beloved dp's funeral ffs, if you can't panic there, where can you?

Exactly. Funerals are for expressing emotion and there isn't a right or wrong way to do it. You're allowed to be distressed.

venusandmars · 30/05/2013 10:07

Hi trin it must be so difficult to see cdd1, but she is dealing with her emotions in the way that feel right for her. You will not be able to stop her but can you do what you might do if there was some angry shouting on TV - sort of switch it off and go and get a glass of juice, or go and look outside at the clouds. And wait for the scene to be over.