Hello. I lost my dad just over a week ago. He had his health problems over the past four years. But he was doing really well. He went out for the day with mum and then later that evening died very suddenly.
I know pretty much all I need to know about what happened. Last week was very busy sorting out stuff with the coroner, registering, sorting out the funeral, sorting out paperwork for mum etc. My work was great, put me on compassionate leave straight away no questions asked, sent flowers.
Finalised funeral arrangements on Friday. Then told work I will be back tomorrow. Thought I would be ok. But feel I am back to square one. I am dreading the funeral. Dreading being the strong one, the coper.
Last night, just before I feel asleep, I could hear his voice. I keep replaying conversations over in my head. Nothing important, just stuff. I don't want to. It hurts so much. I know it's grief. I find the quiet times the hardest.
I am posting this because I find it so hard to talk about what I am feeling in rl. I can deal with the professionals no problem. But to people I know, I can barely get the words out of my mouth to say that he has gone.
Thank you for reading