dp's niece had a stillbirth

[ScarletA]

My dp's 25 year old niece had a stillborn baby girl on Wednesday. Everyone is devastated, especially as the pregnancy was all normal and then the baby just died a day before her due date. It looks horribly like medical negligence but results of post mortem won't be for another 6 weeks.
What I wanted to know was how I could best help - she lives nearer to us than the rest of her family and the two of us have always got on. She has a 15 month old son who I have already offered to look after whenever she needs to be alone and we have also said we could go in and paint the pink walls off the baby's nursery. Practical stuff. But I wanted to give her something now, something that will help her through the next few days, weeks, months, god - years even. I don't suppose you ever get over it, just learn, I suppose to live with the grief. Is there a book maybe that might help that I could buy her? I have seen the SANDS website and will tell her about it when I next see her, tho probably the hospital will tell her. But what else can I give her? Feel so at a loss as to what to say or how to help.

Oh I really don't know anything but just wanted to say how so so sorry I am for you all. x

I think her just knowing that you are there will be a big help.
Someone she could maybe call when she feels ready or even call upon to help with the practical stuff.

So awful

xxx

Keep bumping this up- I think there are some people on here with knowledge about this sort of thing.

I am so sorry your family have to go through this.

So sorry . Bump for you hoping others can help.

ScarletA, I am really so sorry to hear about your dp's niece's stillbirth, what an awful tragedy. Although hospitals should usually tell bereaved parents about SANDS, it doesn't always happen, so do tell her yourself as well.
I am not sure there is a book that will help her right away, but SANDS publishes a book called When a Baby Dies, which is aimed both at helping grieving parents and also at health professionals looking after them. It contains some very moving case studies, which I did find helpful, if very sad reading, because people's feelings are described in honest detail and you feel less of a lonely, distraught freak, reading that others have gone through the same experience :(
Your friendship and the practical support will mean as much to her now as any present, I think. You can feel so lonely when your baby dies. People do avoid you because they do not know what to say :( so the company will be so welcome to her.
A practical gift you could choose would be a treasure box for her daughter's scan photos and other precious things. Even though my son was stillborn at only 21 weeks, and would therefore not have survived in any case, my box has his hospital ID, his smudgy footprints and a photo. Also all the letters and cards we got, the order of service for his funeral etc. I expect the poor girl has clothes and all sorts for her daughter already, how absolutely devastating. You might want a biggish box - you can get pretty ones in places like Paperchase and John Lewis stores.
Another idea...did she have photos of her dd? A really pretty frame for the best one might be a thoughtful gift...or if she has a garden, a fragrant bush like lavender, or a little tree to plant?
HTH. So sad for your loss, especially as it sounds as this was an entirely avoidable death.

When we lost our dd we went out and bought a huge fire proof box and filled it wth all the things we had bought for her and all the cards, funeral service, PM report, blanket from the hospital she was wraped in etc.
Perhaps you could buy here a small teddy or something for her to be buried with-we did this for our dd, my mum bought a shawl my brother her babygro we dressed her in etc-it was as tho we all gave her a piece of us to keep her safe.
most of all tho just let her talk as much as she wants.

ScarletA - my baby died the day before his due date this time last year. He had a knot in his cord so no-one could have done anything about it.
We have a memory box and I think it would be a lovely idea to give one to your dp's neice.
we have our scan photos, the first toy a friend gave me when I was pg with my ds and also some photos and a hand and foot print taken by the hospital.
I often look through it - sometimes with a smile and sometimes in tears but I am so thankful that I have got those things to remind me of him. After a few days it seemed unreal, as if I never had him or had given birth (some people still treat me as if I haven't!) but those memories in that box remind me.
Hope this helps
X

It just makes me want to cry, to see how many of you have gone through this awful thing too, and at how incredible you are. The memory box is a great idea and I will def try and find the book When a Baby Dies for her - I have heard of it before. Thank you all for your support and advice.

So sorry to hear about this ScarletA. Marina and Coggy have pretty much said what I would have suggested. In fact I have most of these things mentioned- including the SANDS book- for my eldest son who was stillborn. Maybe something with the baby's name on it if you can find something,a book of poetry or something nice for her grave if she will have one. You can get some really nice things. Helping her to re-paint the room, and looking after her son sound like practical and thoughtful things to do. Just being there if and when she wants to talk about things will be the best gift, as she may find other people don't mention her baby as much.Thinking of you and her.

Thank you. Feeling more able to help her now, thanks to all of you x