Haunted by stillbirth 50 years ago.

[QE]

Even though this happened 50 years ago mil and fil have never got over it and I am truly shocked at the way they were treated back then. dh never knew much detail as he was growing up, only that he had a baby sister who died at birth. fil seems to talk more to me for some reason.

At the birth, it was discovered the baby was breech. fil was telling me about it only the other day - he says he saw the feet emerge yet the midwife insisted mil walked down the stairs to give birth on the living room floor. As soon as the baby was born it was whisked away and they never saw it (her) again. There was no funeral, no chance to say goodbye. He was close to tears and it nearly broke my heart listening to him talk.

Apparently they have never really spoken about it over the years. They never had any counselling, the midwife was never brought to book (if indeed she had been at fault - although it looks that way by making mil walk downstairs during delivery). There is not even a grave to visit. What happened to the baby does not bear thinking about.

I cannot imagine losing a baby, yet I cannot comprehend giving birth for the baby to then be taken away and be told to just get on with your life. Many stories on MN have brought me to tears but this is much closer to home.

Don't know why I feel so shocked and haunted by this. Maybe I will feel better writing it here. MAybe I can find advice on what to say/do for mil and fil, I don't know. Thanks for listening anyway.

I am astounded by the stories on this thread. I can't believe that people don't know what happened to their babies... this is so awful. Surely someone must know? there must be a way of finding out? This looks like it was quite common practice... what happened to all those babies? Can't something be done?

At one point when my Mam told me i did ask, 'what happened to the baby?' and she said she didn't know, they just took it.
Have never even thought about what someone else said about registering the death.

In my Mam's case i suppose it should have been as the baby was born alive.

This is so, so horrible, I am so upset just reading this.

Sorry, registering the Birth then!

the indexes to birth and death registers are freely available on ancestry.co.uk (follow links for BMD). You search by surname, for each quarter of a year.

You should be able to find a birth and death registration in the same quarter if it was registered.

Legally - if she was born alive then she should have been registered.

Hope that helps.

All mums babies were born alive, but died after a while (between a few minutes and a few hours) and she was told not to bother, it was just a messy miscarriage. She held the boys for that time. No registration was made by anyone; indeed the babies were referred to as dead whilst still alive.

This thread is so, so sad. . Thank goodness for the NHS- as someone said, makes you glad for what you have.

Am in floods of tears over this thread. My best friend lost her 2 year old just over a year ago. She talks and hopes of a time when she will be able to get on with her life, but judging by these sad stories, I don't think her life will ever be the same again. She can barely keep going as it is. How horrific some of these stories are...

Unfortunately this seems to have been common practice. My grandmothers baby died at 2 or 3 days old. She has never really known why he died or what happened to him.

Expat,, that's an amazing coincidence even down to the ripe old age. It's so sad isn't it. The interesting thing about my gran one of her son's died in his 60's but his loss wasn't playing on her mind at the end.

At the cemetery where my DS is buried there is a communal plot of babies buried from the beginning of the century to the mid 70s. After the 1970'sm they were buried in plots of three's and then in the late 90s the started buring them individually.

The cememteries do have records which your ILs could ask to be searched if they wanted to.

My heart aches for them, I can imagine they have never really come to terms with their loss. It seems it was thought it best to make like it never happened but of course it did :(

Still birth certs can be obtained from the general register office. This is the only office to hold these records, you need to ring them on 0845 603 7788 and ask for an application form to be sent, they require a signature on it you see. The fee is £7.00. I know this as I work there and am one of the few trained staff to be able to trace for them (very indepth searches needed due to how they are registered)..The midwives had to register this stillbirth so we should hold a record..

good luck

My great grandma told me a haunting story. She said that back in her day (the 20's) that sometimes the midwives would suffocate a baby if it was born with a "problem" i.e an obvious deformity. They would tell the parents that the baby "died" or was stillborn and that it was for the best. No one would speak of it again. It makes ya hope there is a hell.

This is such a sad thread

My mom gave birth to a son when I was about 6 years old, he was born with a congeital heart defect and after having surgery to try and correct it he got an infection and died at 11 days old. When all the stories of retained organs came out she was informed that the hospital had kept parts of Jonathans body (Heart, eyes, testicles) and was sent copies of the autopsy and many other disturbing things. It is so heart breaking that people go through things like those mentioned on the thread.

These are all such harrowing posts. I don't have any similar experience but I am not surprised at the treatment your relatives received. My MIL had a child out of wedlock in the late 1940's and had to give him up for adoption. The callousness shown to her by the medical authorities, the so-called religious order she had to go and live with in the last stages of her confinement and for the birth, and even by her own mother, never cease to shock me. She was treated like a criminal. Luckily her son managed to track her down 50 years later and got to know her for a few years before she died, even though he lives in the US. It's harad to believe this sort of thing went on just half a century ago - it's more like the middle ages.

My gran had a m/c st 5 months, she lost a little boy, don't know what happened to him. Mum said still born babies used to buried with adults.