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Bereavement

Find bereavement help and support from other Mumsnetters. See also your choices after baby loss.

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Original poster

Dad passed away last Saturday

19 replies

chocolatefudge · 25/03/2006 20:01

My dad died last saturday i feel so sick thinking about him. He had aspiration pnemonia he has been in a nursing home since July last year as my mum had to look after him for many years and couldn't cope in the end so she had no choice. He had a stroke in his 40's and had got worse over the years. I'm glad he reached his 80th birthday though which was in February.
I miss my dad he was so nice to my mum, me and my sister when we were younger and took us all on many holidays. I just can't believe he's not here anymore. I went to see him with my mum at the hospital chapel yesterday. He was so pale and very thin it was horrible seeing him lying there i did feel a bit frightened as i've never seen a dead person before he was cold from being in the freezer too. I just wish he lived longer in good health. It's hard for me coping as i have 2 baby girls one is 2yrs old and the other is 14wks old.

Dearest dad rest in peace xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

OP posts:

PeachyClair · 25/03/2006 20:15

Oh chocolatefudge I am so sorry for your loss.
I know you will find a lot of support on here and I wish you and your girls well through this difficult time.

Cadbury · 25/03/2006 20:21

really sorry for your loss. hope you and your family find peace and comfort at this difficult time.

mummy2jake · 25/03/2006 20:27

im so sorry for your loss im going through the same thing my dad passed away 3 weeks ago im still in shock died in his sleep due to the third heart attack in 1 week miss him so much just keeping going for the sake of my little boy hes 18 months.

if you need to talk about anything i`m here for you

jollymum · 25/03/2006 20:32

So sorry for your loss, having a bad day here and now I'm putting things into perspective. I cried today, lots, for my mum so I know how you feel. Talk about him, all the time. Talk to him, ask him questions and talk to the girls about him. Each word means one word less pain, he's still with you just not there IFKWIM. Photos help, touch his nose as you dust him, tell the girls "there's grandpa/whoever". I hope your mum's Ok too, it's hard grieving and being strong for others, and sometimes people forget about your grief. Have sad times, but have happy times too. Smile through the tears and think about a funny thing that happened. Maybe write stuff down, really dad thoughts and then burn them. Sort of like a dreamcather but with fire. Let a balloon go for him, the girls can do "kisses" for him and it will be something speacial for you, even if they don't/won't know much. Don't think about the chapel too much, I really have to push seeing my mum far away in my memory and remember what someone said to me. The shell doesn't matter, it's the pearl inside that is so precious.

Sending you loveXXXXXXXX

MamaG · 25/03/2006 20:36

I'm so sorry chocolatefudge. I lost my Dad 3 years ago and it was truly the worst time in my life. I really feel for you. :(

fairyjay · 25/03/2006 21:01

My dad died three years ago next Thursday - it was mother's day. I shall never stop missing him, but I can now smile about the times we had together.

Thinking of everyone who's grieving.

Original poster

chocolatefudge · 26/03/2006 17:24

Thanks to everyone for your kind support and my best wishes to those of you who also have lost there mums and dads.

It's hard coming to terms with losing someone so close. The funeral has been arranged for 5th April and we've decided to play 'Evergreen' by Will Young at his funeral as he liked that song.
I feel like a piece of my heart has gone. I wish my dad was ok but i knew he was never happy when he had to go into the nursing home, we did often visit him but it's not the same as being in your own home. I don't feel like eating as i keep feeling sick thinking of him but i have to as i'm breast feeding my baby.

xxxx

OP posts:

SecondhandRose · 26/03/2006 17:39

So sorry CF. I lost my Dad 3 years ago on April 9th. It still seems like yesterday. It will get better and bearable for you. He's out of pain and at rest now, that's how I looked at it. My Dad was in agony and nothing seemed to help. You'll feel less twisted up inside after the funeral too.

Dunnyjo · 26/03/2006 22:02

chocolatefudge i am really sorry for the loss of your dad. I have also had a tearful day, my mum died 9wks ago with a stroke. It happened so quick it was/still a huge shock. I cant give any advice because i know there is never really anything that can be said that will help. The pain is awful and i am still coming to terms with just trying to get myself out of bed every morning let alone getting on with everyday living. But all i can say is you are not alone and my heart goes out to you xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

madamechocolat · 26/03/2006 22:30

so sorry xxx

Monkeybar · 26/03/2006 22:36

Chocolatefudge, my heart goes out to you. My Dad died at the beginning of March. I miss him. It is a terrible to thing to go through.

pashmina · 26/03/2006 22:40

so sorry for your loss, cherish your memories xxx

jamsam · 31/03/2006 12:00

i have to stop reading these posts..i knew looking at the breavement threads was a mistake...

Auntymandy · 31/03/2006 12:14

Thinking of you. I lost my Dad almost 4 years ago, and miss him terribly

Piffle · 31/03/2006 12:21

I'm so sorry to hear that Choc Fudge. I hope you and your family are ok through all this and that your dad is resting happily now
xxx

jamese · 31/03/2006 14:25

Reading this type of post is hard, but it certainly helps me. My dad died 4 years ago and my mum died just before Christmas (2 days before).. I live only 4 doors away from where they lived and I grew up, which seemed like a great idea when I moved here last year (before we knew mum had cancer)..

To see that other people are going through the same things does help especially when you read such inspirational comments re shell doesn't matter, its the pearl inside the counts, as I have been having real problems dealing with how ill my mum looked when she died. She certainly was a priceless pearl and I am hoping that one day I can think of her without the pain inside. I know this will happen, as I can think about my dad differently as it has been longer.

I agree, talk to your dad, and tell your girls all about him. it will help.

webchick · 31/03/2006 23:23

Chocolatefudge am so sorry for your loss. My Dad died a month ago and I am coming to terms that he is no longer here. The initial shock hurts and I am now getting used to his presence elsewhere.

Thinking of you and everyone else who has posted her who has lost a parent. xxx

brimfull · 01/04/2006 00:02

so sorry chocolatefudge,I haven't experienced the loss of a parent yet,it's something I dread.Hope you get the support you need.

Original poster

chocolatefudge · 06/04/2006 14:32

Thanks again to the others that have replied to my post. Sorry for others who have passed away too. It's hard to get on with life thinking of someone that's gone.

The funeral went well yesterday it was a lovely cold but sunny day. As we were going there in the car i started to cry a little, it was because i was looking at my dad's coffin in the car ahead of us and thinking i will miss him so much and how scared he was just before he died. Then my sister started crying, mum and aunt. I tried to hold the tears back but couldn't i wanted to be strong.

The service in the chapel was nice as my sister wrote down for the vicar where my dad was born, his career when he got married and things he enjoyed doing in his life and about being a good father to us both.

It was strange as i heard a different type of bird tweeting outside my house a few days after my dad died, then yesterday at
my mums house in Kent i heard the same bird tweeting when i took my baby upstairs for her feed. Hope i'm not going mad! but i think it could be a sign that my dad is here. And my sister kept seeing Ravens the day he died and yesterday when we were going back to my mums in the funeral car.

Has anyone else had any strange experiences like this with your parents?

I'm hoping when my family and i pass away that we will all be reunited with my dad and other family members.

chocolatefudge xx

OP posts:

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