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Bereavement

Find bereavement help and support from other Mumsnetters. See also your choices after baby loss.

Original poster

Lost my baby boy ...

69 replies

marietje · 14/09/2012 18:56

I've never posted on here before but I just wanted to write this down. I feel so incredibly sad and I can't believe this happened to us.

I was 40 weeks and 5 days pregnant last Saturday when I went to the hospital with painful contractions. I got checked and my baby's heartbeat as well as everything else was fine, but I was only 1cm dilated so went home. When I went back the next afternoon with increasingly painful and frequent contractions, they couldn't find his heartbeat any more, even though I felt him move that morning and he had his usual hiccups. From then on everything just seemed like a very bad dream, although I somehow managed to stay very calm throughout. Everybody in the hospital was very supportive and understanding, and I had a great doula, but the reality hit after he was born the next morning.

My husband and I saw him, held him and we called him Oskar. He looked like he was just asleep and he is the most beautiful and sweet little boy I've ever seen.

It's only a few days ago and I know it's going to be a long and hard process, but right now I'm not sure how we can survive this.

Thanks for reading...

OP posts:
maytheoddsbeeverinyourfavour · 14/09/2012 19:23

Oh you poor darling Sad

I'm so very very sorry that you've lost your precious boy, my heart aches for you xxx

Please be very kind to yourself and do whatever you need to do to get through each day minute by minute, hour by hour

Rest peacefully beautiful Oskar xxxx

Happiestinwellybobs · 14/09/2012 19:26

I can't begin to imagine what you are going through, but I wanted to send you my love. Rest in Peace little boy x

Original poster
marietje · 14/09/2012 19:26

Thank you so much for your messages, it really means a lot to me.

We've got a beautiful photo of Oskar, but it's been too hard to look at it again. It's been so difficult for us, but we try to keep supporting and talking to each other all the time. Both our families live abroad, but we've spoken on the phone a lot. My mum is undergoing chemotherapy treatment but I know she's so sad she can't come over to support us. We haven't told many people yet because it's still so raw and we find it hard to cope, but we have two close friends who've helped us a lot this week, both emotionally and practically.

OP posts:
Original poster
marietje · 14/09/2012 19:28

I thought I had lost the first message!

OP posts:
DreamsTurnToGoldDust · 14/09/2012 19:28

So sorry, Oskar what a gorgeous name, much much love xxx

FeersumEndjinn · 14/09/2012 19:40

I'm so sorry for your loss, and wish you strength for the grieving process ahead.

I hope the hospital has already given you this info but if not please contact SANDS www.uk-sands.org/ who can help you in whatever way you need at this difficult time. A dear friend of mine went through this once and she found SANDS really helpful in a huge number of ways.

BeaWheesht · 14/09/2012 19:47

I'm so sorry to hear about Oskar - almost exactly the same thing happened to some friends of ours and as you say, talking And supporting each other seems to have been the key for them. They talk about their wee girl a lot and it's lovely to see their love for her. Thinking of you all and wishing your mum A speedy recovery

lambinapram · 14/09/2012 19:50

So sorry to hear this. My thoughts are with you. xxx

Francagoestohollywood · 14/09/2012 19:51

I am ever so sorry, so tragic Sad

ChablisLover · 14/09/2012 19:53

I'm so sorry to hear of your loss

I will say a prayer for you and Oskar.

Big hugs to you and your dh at this time.

missymoomoomee · 14/09/2012 19:56

I am so sorry to hear this. I will light a candle for your beautiful Oskar tonight. Lots of support and understanding and my thoughts heading your way xxx

Pajimjams · 14/09/2012 19:58

Oh you poor darling. Hope you find lots of support on here and in real life. Oskar is a lovely name, and to echo norem - you are oskars mummy and you will see your love for him reflected in the pain you are now suffering.

Be strong and keep him close in your heart, it will give you comfort.

AWomanCalledHorse · 14/09/2012 21:54

I am so sorry for your loss. :(
Oskar is a beautiful name.

Wishing you and your DH strength & love during this horrible time. x

Mama1980 · 14/09/2012 21:56

I am so very sorry for your loss Sad
Sleep sweet Oskar xxx

MiaAlexandrasmummy · 14/09/2012 22:02

oh, I am so sad to hear about you and your beautiful little Oskar. It isn't right or fair. It is only natural to feel so raw, so unbelieving - you are in the worst nightmare of any parent. If you don't mind me offering this, I'd like to give you the advice given to me - Be gentle on yourself. One breath at a time, one moment at a time. That's all you can do.

Sadly, there is a very special thread on MN where you will find lots of understanding, empathy and unmumsnetty hugs. You probably never imagined yourself needing it - no-one does. But there is a safe haven here

cuteable · 14/09/2012 22:02

What a lovely name. my heart goes out to you and your husband. how are you feeling physically? Remember to look after yourself.

Talk on here when you need to x

MyOrangeDogShitsGoldMoney · 14/09/2012 22:03

So so sorry for your loss.

Sleep tight Oskar x

Napsalot · 14/09/2012 22:13

So sorry for your loss. Rest peacefully little Oskar.

chickydoo · 14/09/2012 22:17

Sending you love. So sorry about Oskar. You must be in such utter shock.
My thoughts are with you

Original poster
marietje · 15/09/2012 11:29

I'm so touched by all your messages... It's good to know that we're not alone.

I found out very late that I was pregnant so it was all very much unexpected and the last few months have been a rollercoaster in many ways. Even before he was born I loved him so much - I never expected these feelings to be so strong. I think the first thing I said when I found out was that I loved the baby so much (I didn't know yet whether it was a boy or a girl). The midwife who saw me the night before had a chat with me and it was so good just to say this. These feelings are a bittersweet consolation for me and my husband (and I know he feels the same) and I know I will love him forever. Knowing that we will never forget him is also a consolation, so he will be with us forever.

It's a great help for me to write these things down and I might also ask you some questions when I'm ready.

OP posts:
mumof2teenboys · 15/09/2012 11:53

So sorry for your loss, Oskar is a beautiful name. My thoughts and love are with you and your husband now.

moreyear · 15/09/2012 11:53

I am so sorry for your terrrible loss. Words seem so trite but darling Oskar is forever at peace and you are both in my thoughts. xx

EverlongYouAreGoldAndOrange · 15/09/2012 18:27

Oh sweetheart I'm so sorry.

((hugs))

Doyouthinktheysaurus · 15/09/2012 18:30

Oh, I am so sorry for the loss of your little oneSad

Oskar is a beautiful name.

HairyPotter · 15/09/2012 18:31

I am so very sorry for your loss. Oskar is a beautiful name. xx