Talking to young children about the death of a friend's mum

[Moln]

My DS is 5 and his friend's mother has just died.

I had wondered if the school might tell the class, but they didn't, though they have made the parents aware. Some of the other parents think it's best not to tell them (class would be 5/6 years old) but I'm not sure.

When this little boy comes back to school he's going to have lost his mother and that's going to have affected him. The reason other parents think it's best not to tell them is that they may ask gory questions about burial and skeletons, or talk about death to an extreme with this little boy.

If anyone has any advice it'd be appriciated.

My almost 5 year old charge is fascinated by death and we have always had an open approach - explaining the basis; yes people die, they don't come back, it happens when people are really ill/old, don't worry it won't happen to me until you're much older etc

Check with the school that the family are ok with the classmates knowing, and then I would tell my dc. It happened to a child when dd was in yr2. They were told in class but parents not told - except by their children. The children were told that the child might sometimes be sad, but only to discuss it with them if the child raised the subject. It seemed to work fine, and that age is fine to discuss death, they probably don't fully understand but they can get a sense of it. It was only really a topic of conversation from dd for a week or two, although occassionally she will mention 'oh x hasn't got a dad because he died', but generally even the child involved has quickly adapted, at least at school.

Thanks.

I'm pretty upset myself so I'll wait until I'm less emotional tomorrow, and speak to the teacher, though I'd assumed it'd be OK as there was a mail sent to all parents

Sadly my sons friends mum died when he was in yr1. the children were all told by the teacher as a group. They were also told they were not to question the child, but it was ok to talk about the childs mum if she wanted to, but no questions.
The first day back one little boy asked openly in class "why did your mum die" the children were all reminded the no question rule but to ask the teacher quietly.
There has never to my knowled been any other problems

DS, one reception classmate lost a mother & another boy in the year group (5yo) suddenly died. Half the staff attended the child's funeral. :( Funny enough it was DD (2 yrs younger) who felt most affected, by the mother who died especially. Same as most things.

I suppose I let DC bring it up & just talked thru their concerns, tried to find things to reassure whatever about it worried them. As long as they know they can talk thru it with you then they will.

Many schools have access to trained counsellors for support of this kind and many local hospices too have psychologists who are trained to help children cope with death and loss. There are also a number of books for this age group which can help including The Copper Tree and Badger's Parting Gifts.