My mil died last night

[Privatematter]

Peacefully in her sleep in her holiday appartment. DH and his sister have left this morning to go and support his father and bring mil home.

Obviously we're all devastated. She was a true matriarch, a successful business woman and, in her day, a larger than life character. I had immense respect for her although we were not particularly close. She'd been in poor health for years and frankly her quality of life had become intolerable.

BUT a few months ago she and dh had a massive and serious falling out over money, business etc and were barely on speaking terms. And now she's gone. I'm worried for the weeks and months ahead and how this is going to affect dh. How best to support him? Does anybody have any words of wisdom?

Sorry for the family's loss is the first thing to say.

I cant think of anything else other than to just be there for him if and when he wants to talk. Allow him space if he needs it and just keep an eye on him. If you feel he is getting ill or not dealing with it then maybe some discussion is needed if you feel that you can have one with him to see how you can support him best or offer suggestions that might appeal to him in his time of need.

HTH and sorry its not much.

Thanks Ninja. Your post is alot more than 'not much'. And you're right of course, I can't do more than simply be there for him. Thank you.

glad I could help, hope you all get through this time

I am so sorry for your loss. It is important I think to remember that love is over a lifetime not just in the latter stages. Older people can be very challenging in their later years, my own Nana was very difficult as she declined but over the majority of her life was a wonderful woman to whom I was very close. I do sometimes dwell on the fact that the latter stages in particular were very hard but honestly what I try to do is remember her over all the years and how good she was to me. I think, depending on your spiritual beliefs, the moment when people leave this life is not one when they dwell on the details.

PrivateMatter I know you know what to do really but this is a bit tricky emotionally and just going with it day to day is all you can do. He sounds like a lucky man to have someone so considerate of his heart.