My mum it still hurts

[Fizzybee]

Just a ramble really

It'll be 6 years in oct since I last spoke to my mum it was about a Xmas present I bought ds and she was going to give me the money for she was going away and was worrying as she'd forgotten to give it to me it seems such a stupid last conversation to talk to her about.

The last time she saw ds was earlier that day he was 18 months and was ignoring her in favour of peppy pig

Then she was gone suddenly no goodbyes just a phone call that she'd collapsed and then that she'd died.

I read letters shed sent to her sister since and feel like I didn't even know her our adult relationship never developed

I feel sad others moan about there mums and don't appreciate the fact they take their kids whilst im I'm really alone with mine 90% of the time due to dps work I don't have any other family and never been good at making freinds

I've put it all in a box in my mind as I really can't cope with dealing with it all I'm a coper I have to carry on by nature

I hate the fact shell never see my kids grow up never see my house never be there to give me those annoying morning phone calls

I used to dream about her I swear she was there I used to wake up feeling like she had been there but I haven't had any dreams like that in a while and makes her more distant ...

It all just hurts and I just wanted to write that down ...

I know it is hard. If you have read my thread, you will see you are not alone. Not being able to pick up the phone and just speak about nothing is one of the worst things. Every time my dd hIt a milestone, I wanted to give her a call.
Would your aunt be able to give you any insight into your mum's thoughts?

I completely understand how you feel.
It's 20 years since my mum died (she had Alzheimers, and then they discovered lung cancer - it felt as thought the two things cancelled each other out; she didn't know about the cancer, and the cancer meant she died before the Alzheimers took away her personality)
Anyway - I still wish I could pick up the phone and talk to her, I too am envious of all friends who have their mums to help with childcare - she never knew about my wonderful new career, my lovely partner, my children, or my new house.
My consolation is that if she had lived she would have probably been in a home and not known any of us.
I still miss her, but I find I've just got used to the pain, and one learns to live with it. My sister and I often remind ourselves of her funny and irritating ways, and we can smile and laugh. It will get easier for you, I promise.

No I never new my aunt sadley either and she had no other family

20 years it's a big weight to carry

My Mum is still very much alive but you know what? I don't think daughters or children generally ever truly get to know their Mums. I can't ever see myself sharing with my boys what I've shared with my sister, there is nothing I wouldn't tell my sister. And my boys are still young, ds1 is 16 but I can't ever imagine getting to the stage where they will know all my innermost thoughts. For example, I will probably always feel to a certain extent that in front of them, dh and I should appear to be in agreement. But I am happy to moan about him to my sister. ( He's not that bad, really but you know....!) But to them, he will always be their Dad and it wouldn't seem right.

You probably had the sort of relationship with your Mum that a daughter should have. And she will never be truly gone from you, she is a part of you.

it must have been a terrible shock to lose her so suddenly fizzybee

Hugs
DMIL died very suddenly 12 years ago.

She was very fond of natural history. If I see a strange flower I still think DMIL would know what that is and feel I'll never be able ask.

I know DH misses her terribly and wonders what she'd have made of the DDs.

She was a real character and she left a hole that won't ever close.

they will always be with us
xx

Fizzy

I am sorry, have a hug!

I feel exactly the same as you - my mum was in hospital 'getting better' when I got the call - I never saw it coming, 4 years on the 28th August and it seems like yesterday....

My Mum died on the second of August this year.
I don't know what i'm going to do without her.
I cry over random stupid things and i can't ring her up.

I knew it was coming and i held her hand while she went...but i didn't think she would die even when i knew she would.

I totally understand Fizzybee, my Mum died 6 years ago, she had symptoms for awhile, but went downhill very quickly, it was 3 weeks between diagnosis of cancer to death.

It really is a very hard time when your Mother dies. You really just have to let the whole whining about Mothers go though, it's not healthy to judge other people because they still have that support.

I know it hurts so much, even after all this time I still dream about her, it does get somewhat easier though, it took me literally years to accept that she was gone.

I felt so adrift and alone for the longest time, after all, the relationship you have with your Mother generally is the most important one you will have for your whole life.

It's very hard that you cannot ask her things, it's such a big shift in your view of life.

Aww EchoBitch, I know the feeling, I held my Mum as she died, it was awful, I honestly did all I could not to be there when she actually died, but I was, and it was horrible .

It was the worst time of my life ever, and fucked me up for a long time afterwards.

I wanted to be there,i didn't want her to be on her own,and i'm sure she knew,at least i hope she did.