It is coming up for the first anniversary of my mum's death and Im struggling a bit. Although we knew she had terminal cancer, the end came shockingly quickly and left us very unprepared. I had to tell her that the docs thought she had 24 hours at the most. She actually had 20 hours from that conversation. She was fully conscious until about 3hrs before her death and it was a horrific way to go. Nurses changing shift not realising the seriousness of the situation and ignoring us and our pleas for more pain relief.
In the aftermath, there was so much to sort out and some things, like selling her house only finalised last month . I also had a 4 month old baby when mum died so life has been quite hectic looking after my crazy bundle of mischief!
Since everything finalised, it has started to hit me. Also my dd now recognises people and gets excited when my pils visit. It makes me so sad that she will never get to have that special bond with my mum who loved her with all heart and was very much the doting granny.
In some ways it feels like I only spoke to her yesterday or she is just away on holiday. However, with the anniversary less than a week away it is like I can't kid myself any longer. She really has gone.
Having already lost my dad to cancer too, mum, my dais and I were like the three musketeers. Mum missed my dsis graduation this summer too. But at least we have fabulous memories. I'm scared that I won't be able to put across to my dd how fantastic her grandma was and how much she loved her. I miss her so much.