So angry with funeral directors

[xeno]

I really wanted to visit the chapel of rest to help me say goodbye to a good friend. The funeral directors put me off because they hadn't got her "ready". But now "she has got in a very bad way" and they don't think a viewing will be possible at all. I am so angry that they obveously did not perform first rites when they first collected her from the hospital and they have just left her in their fridge and let her decompose without taking any steps to prevent it. It just feels so disrespectful and lazy. She died just over a week ago and her funeral is not for another week, so why didn't they embalm her? Or leave her at the hospital morgue until they were ready? I have asked if I can visit with the coffin lid closed, but they haven't said yes or no yet, and knowing that bunch it would just be an empty coffin and not actually her at all. So angry

The funeral directors will have embalmed, or not, according to the wishes of the NOK who engaged them. If they did not request any embalming, or that the body be made available for viewings, then they will not have carried out any such procedures.

It is also possible that the results of disease, trauma, attempted resuscitation or post mortem examination may have affected the appearance of the body. NOK's original instructions may have bern influenced by this factors.

To establish if the undertaker has not carried out the NOK's wishes, then first you need to establish what their instructions were. I do not know what "first rites" are, but if they are ignoring faith-related procedures, the they are indeed acting very wrongly. Your dilemma now is how to establish from NOK what religious observances they requested, plus those for embalming etc.

My condolences to you, and I hope that the eventual funeral proves comforting.

It's completely up to you if you choose to view anyway, they absolutely cannot say it's not possible. I work for a FD, and even when people have been, for example badly injured, or have died abroad in hot countries, we make it possible for relatives and friends to spend time with them, even if it means just holding a hand while keeping them mostly covered for the time they're there. And btw, we (my FDs) don't embalm at all; the fridge should be absolutely enough after a week.
I'd be suspicious; this doesn't sound right. Have they not brought her back from the place where she's been in time? Almost all FDs these days (not mine) use central 'storage' for the deceased rather than keeping them on site. I'm not surprised you're angry, and this is SO not what you need now. You can insist, though, don't be put off or scared by them.

Although as Edith says, it will be up to the Nok. Have they said they're happy for you to visit her?

Xeno, so sorry that your friend has died, she was obviously very special to you.

Agree with above posts, but a word of caution

Please don't ask the NOK (next of kin) about this. They may have asked the FD to not let anyone visit your friend. They may have kept your friends body in the house for awhile before it went to the FD. We as a family don't rush to call the FD in, preferring time to just sit together at home.

It is not automatic to do anything with the body other than treat it with dignity. Everything is up to the wishes of the NOK.

The funeral directors are now saying that she is ready, but that the family have requested that they see her first before anyone else can visit. At least, that is what they told me! They said that they would ring me when the family had been in, but could not give me any indication of when that would be.

The funeral directors seem very disorganised to me. I don't know when they collected her from the hospital morgue but i was very surprised that they had not prepared her for viewing straight away. If they were waiting for clothes from the next of kin, they could still have cleaned her and put a sheet over her or something? To collect her and just shove her in their fridge without doing anything seems disrespectful to the deceased IMO. I won't be talking to the family about this. That would be incredibly crass and insensitive. I'm pretty much resigned to the probability that I won't get to visit her.