DD's class teacher has died

[Hulababy]

This will out be entirely I guess now but not very anon anyway.

But I am so shocked, hands are shaking. But alone at moment and hard to take in.

Her class teacher for last year and this year has died, unexpected, in sleep, natural causes this weekend. Just had a letter via email from school to inform us all.

DD (10y) is out at the moment, I have to go get her at 3. Spoken to dh and have agreed to wait to tell her til he is home this evening and tell her together. She is going to be devastated. No idea how to even start to tell her, I just want to cry for her.

It's her last year at the school, and it is such a lovely small school where everyone knows one another, all really close, almost like a big family. They are having a special assembly next year for staff and older girls, and his funeral is next Friday - need to collect DD early from school as obv staff want to attend.

School have sorted a replacement at least for the next term. But how they will take it all in I have no idea.

So so sad Poor man.

I think one of the things you could do is explain that there will be a reason for his death - this will ameliorate the fear that she could die suddenly in her sleep.

Sorry for you :(

That is bloody awful . Your poor dd and her friends.

Yes, I was going to say that you may need to allay your dd's anxieties that it might happen to her as well. Certainly my own 10 yr old dd would have that on her mind.

True. Trouble is we don't know any reasons. He was 40s/early 50s perhaps, at most.

You only need to say it was undiagnosed though - she needs to hear people don't die without a reason (which they mostly don't) we just might not know immediately what that is.

Extremely sad.

Has your daughter had any experience of close bereavement before, grandparent, neighbour, or even pet or is this the first time its happened to someone she knows well. I'm sorry if that sounds rather disrespectful. I didn't mean it to be.

it is important to explain there will be a reason for the death. Perhaps she might like to design a sympathy card for his family or write something? Very sorry to hear this though. It is an awful shock at any age when something sudden happens - life is so very fragile.

Happyinherts - her great grandma died a few years ago now. She remembers her fondly now.

Will def sort card out and already spoken to via text to other mums and considering a group think maybe on behalf of girls.

I will def make sure she is aware it will be for a specific reason though, not just unexplained.

Oh that's terribly sad, I really hope they find out why and let people know at least vaguely (without being too intrusive to family grief etc.) to allay any fears students may have.

www.winstonswish.org.uk/ there may be something useful to help your DD come to terms with the loss on here - such a shock. :(

Need to talk to my head too and see if I can have tuesday morning off so that I can go to school with her for her first day back as it will be so hard. Trouble is is that it is our pupils first day too.

Infact done that now - just spoken to her as felt it best to know in my own head - and yes, I can go with DD on Tuesday

Have told DD. She is okay. She cried a bit and is sad on and off this evening. But overall fine.
Think it will hit home much more on Tuesday,

Poor lamb .

How awful Hulababy :( And for the whole school, such a sadness.

I hope the head will be able to start the ball rolling on something the school can do together as a memorial for him?

I would think they will do something.

He was a big part of the school - only male teacher, deputy head, been there a fair while...

Not sure DD has really taken it all in tbh though

My son takes great comfort in discussing what happens when you die. I would have shied away from that sort of talk, but once he started to talk about it it helped him a lot with the whole idea. I am a Quaker but I want my children to make up their own mind, so we went online and read about different beliefs from different religions - including the belief that there is nothing after death. DS has decided he believes in reincarnation, and he's going to be a massive snake one day... :)
It sounds like your DD is okay now, but this may be a way forward, just a way of getting her to talk.

I'm really sorry this has happened. I hope the children, and also you, are okay.

DD slept ok. She went to bed very tired which helped. She is now at drama all day and with her two best mates, so she will be fine. Her drama teacher is aware and she's known dd since she was 5y - so a good place for her to be all round.

DD seems okay, just a bit quiet. She did say that it felt unreal, which is understandable. It will hit home more on Tuesday I think. I suspect there will be tears at school, but it will do them all good to be together and to share that, an important step I think.

DD's school is a church school so they will go down that route re explanations I think. Hopefully it will give the girls some comfort too.

It sounds like a good place for her to be today, Hulababy. Hope she has a peaceful day.

My dd's headmaster died two years ago. It was a huge shock to us all and many people in the school community were utterly devastated. Some of the teachers had worked with him for years and some of the parents had too. He was not an old man. The school closed for the funeral and the children were discouraged from attending as it was advised by the grief councillers that for them to see all of the other teachers at the funeral would be too much.

It was many of the children's first brush with death and it was difficult. I don't think our school handled it all that well as there was nobody who wasn't affected so there was nobody to take charge of what should happen if you see what I mean. What I think we would have liked, is an assembly or SOMETHING, a coffee morning maybe where we could have come together as a school community to grieve. As many of the parents didn't do to the funeral, there was a eed for something.

We had a book of condolence that anyone was allowed to write in and was given to his widow.

A year later there was an assembly and a portrait was hung up.

An assembly for the teachers and older girls has been set up for early next week.

Our class rep has also emailed to organise class flowers. Not for the funeral, that is family flowers only and school as a whole will organise some. But we are planning to send his partner flowers in a couple of weeks time. I have emailed school on behalf of us as a family with our condolences and will take a card in for his family next week/.
I don't think we will take DD to the funeral. They are having a special assembly at school next week and the info I read online suggests that not going to the funeral may be the best idea,.
DD has asked to release a balloon with a message attached, like she did for her greatgrandma a few years ago. I think we will do this on the day of the funeral when she leaves school early.

That sounds like a good plan, Hula. I think as savoycabbage says, seeing the grief of the teachers and family would be quite frightening for children - the special assembly is probably a better way for them to come together and both celebrate and grieve.

Schools up here run something called 'seasons for growth' to help children with lots of things, e.g. bereavement, divorce etc. Maybe something to find out about further down the line? I taught a class a couple of years ago whose last teacher had died suddenly in horrible circumstances. They still find it very hard to deal with. School should
Offer something at some point I would think.

The school also had an assembly at the time, and on the first anniversary ran a memorial sports day (seperate from 'normal' sports day - she was v into sports), held a celebration assembly and planted a tree.

It's still early days and school isn't back yet so I guess we willfind out next week and further into turn if school plan on more things.
There is definitely a school assembly planned.

Just a quick update.

DD has settled with the new teacher well. Says she's nice. And she continues to have lots of lessons with other teachers too.

They had a service last Friday morning when the local vicar (who is linked to the school) came in. They sang hymns, said prayers, light candles and had the odd readings from other girls remembering him. They each had a memory stone which they took to the assembly and they came away with a prayer card with his picture, etc. which DD has by her desk. DD said it was lovely but very sad. They cried as did many of the teachers and staff there.

I collected DD early as school closed for the funeral. I didn't take DD to the funeral though. 3 girls went, but felt it better not for DD. I took her to the park and she released a balloon in school colours with a message attached.

School opened a condolances book for the girls, staff and parents to write in which will be passed onto his family in time. I took DD and we both wrote in.

DD also asked to send in condolances cards, which we did - one for his colleagues, one to be sent to his family.

Our class have collected money and we are sending flowers to the teacher's partner this coming week on behalf of our girls.

The Friends of group are also having a collection and they are having a bench made with an inscription for the playground. The girls memory stones will be placed beneath it.

The school has a prize day at the end of the year and the teacher's family have arranged that from now own one prize will be in his memory each year.

So all is going well. School life is moving on, but with a big hole - but one that is being filled with lovely memories, rather than just sadness.

Thanks all.