If its okay can I ask how should I remember the one year anniversary of a DC's passing

[kiwidreamer]

Very good friends of ours lost their young son last year to cancer, we dont live in the same country as them and dont speak very often just due to life and stuff (poor excuse when I see it in black and white) but the guys are friends from childhood and best men at each others wedding and we really do consider them special friends.

Our hearts broke for them when their son fought the cancer so bravely and then passed away a few days after an important family event. We were not able to attend the funeral, we sent cards and made donation in his name.

In a few weeks time it will be the one year anniversary, I dont want for them to think we dont remember their amazing little guy but I dont want to make them feel worse than they no doubt will, I really dont want to get it wrong - is a simple card enough or too little, will flowers be thoughtful or imposing.

It didnt seem appropriate to ask this in Chat but if this is inappropriate also I apologise.

I w=might send a card or make a 'just thinking about him' phone call. I've read it's nice for parents to be able to talk with people who aren't too scared to mention their lost one's name.

I think if you send a card it will make them very happy to know that their son meant enough to you that you've remembered.
I don't know about flowers - although they're lovely, they always seem so transient to me - perhaps something with a bit more longevity might be nice? Or another charity donation, or even naming a star for him.

And yes, if you can phone them, so much the better - so many people can't bring themselves to talk to bereaved parents.

Anything you do is lovely. It is almost 2 years since I lost my dd who was stillborn. Last year some lovely friends sent flowers on her birthday, I feel almost "frightened" this year that no one will remember. It makes me sad that someone who is so important to me can be forgotten by the others I love. Either that or they are too scared to mention it for fear of upsetting me, which I get, but I'd much rather the chance to talk about her no matter how painful. If that makes sense?

Having been in a similar situation, I would keep it simple - they will know you've been thinking about them and their loss. A card with nice words to say that you're thinking of them will touch them a lot.

A card would be great and you could ring them aswell. Even if its the day before to say you will be thinking of them. This may be easier than on the actual day. Through experience (11 years since lost our baby) the actual day is still the rawest emotionally and one year is NOTHING timewise. I found for "time healing" it was nowhere near long enough.
As fridayatlast says you do not want them forgotten, and its nice to be able to talk about them sometimes. This can be difficult at times, especially anniversaries, though.
They are lucky to have someone as thoughtful as yourselves.

How thoughtful. On my babies angelversaries no-one usually remembers. I'm sure any gesture would be greatly appreciated but I do think a phonecall would be lovely, all too often people don't speak to a parent when they lose their child, when all a parent wants to do is talk about them. You could maybe send a couple of toys to the ward that was dealing with their little boy in his name if you did want to buy something but I think a card and a call would be lovely. What a lovely friend you are.

My db was stillborn 23 years ago, I still take the time to remember him and ring my mum. She appreciates the fact that someone else remembers (despite my being young at the time, he is still my brother).

Also DFiL passed away last week, He would hate it if we 'forgot' about him.

Words are all you need IMO.

It's so lovely that you remember him for your friends and also take her feelings into account x

What a lovely friend you are. Yes, your friend will definitely appreciate that you remember, whether it is a phonecall or a card. And I agree about writing pretty much anything, apart from 'time heals', but if you have any special memories you can share, that will mean a lot to her.

Thank you all for taking the time to reply, I got a lovely handmade card with a victorian / vintagey feel and will write in it tonight, I have encouraged DH to call in the next few days before the anniversary gets too close.