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Bereavement

Find bereavement help and support from other Mumsnetters. See also your choices after baby loss.

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Original poster

m/c on monday

15 replies

broken · 10/03/2006 22:58

had a m/c on monday. I had one a few years ago then had another baby. I have other children but still feel so blue. Went shopping today and started to cry in the store as I passed the foods I would have bought had I been pregnant. I know this will pass but, I feel so empty inside. I am too old for more babies (43) so this was my last chance. I keep telling myself I am blessed with children already and this is for the best if the baby was not ok, but damn it, I miss my baby (sorry I feel like crying again). I haven't told anyone except dh so I guess this is the best place for me to talk. I am not ready to tell people who will just tell me I am too old anyway.

OP posts:

Cristina7 · 10/03/2006 23:01

So sorry for you. You might not be too old but nothing will replace this baby.

eve2005 · 10/03/2006 23:23

i'm so sorry broken, whether it was for the best or not isn't even an issue, of course you're grieving for your baby.

hope you get through this ok, so sorry again.

SorenLorensen · 10/03/2006 23:26

broken, it's so hard. You post rang a lot of bells with me. You have to give it time, and allow yourself space to grieve.

jambuttie · 10/03/2006 23:26

so sorry hun sending (((((((HUGS)))))))))) your way

evenhope · 11/03/2006 14:37

broken, I am 42 and had my second missed miscarriage recently. I went in for the ERPC on Thursday. My DH keeps muttering about being too old but if you see my other thread you'll know that loads of people manage to have babies at our age. I don't feel anything, which seems really odd. At least feeling sad is a more normal reaction. Thinking of you.

Original poster

broken · 11/03/2006 18:13

thanks everyone. today the sun is shining so it helps my mood. It's the little things that get you, like when I hear a name and I remember it was a name I was considering for my baby. As to trying again, like you, dh thinks it is not a good idea. I guess it is way too soon to think about that.

OP posts:

Nicola63 · 12/03/2006 09:04

Like evenhope, I am 42 an have had 2 missed m/c's. My hubby is younger, and it's not the age thing, but he has been upset and disappointed (after having 2 children with no thought of a problem in his previous marriage, when he was in his early 20's), and he is saying he doesn't lnow if it is good idea to put us both through this sadness again. I have no children and don't want to give up.

I felt sad, and like you have felt upset by reminders, like baby clothes shop near me and the baby aisle in the supermarket. But I feel OK now, just uncertainty very difficult (waiting to see obsterician next Fri for results of tests following m/c about 3 weeks ago).

My situation isn't helped by other factor in my life upsetting me: an exhusband behaving like an a** and harassing me. But I am on the whole doing fine, and I hope you soon will be too.

Original poster

broken · 12/03/2006 13:00

Strange, despite this horrible pain, part of me wants to try one more time, IT's a longing I guess men don't feel. I havent brought it up with dh as he was'nt too keen on this one but happy once he got used to it. obviously it is too soon but I think, am I mad to even be considering it but, like you, I don't havae the luxery to wait a few years.

OP posts:

CarlyP · 13/03/2006 10:25

so sorry broken. all i can see is it does get easier.

diddle · 14/03/2006 14:45

Oh Broken - so very sorry for your loss. Is there no way you could try again. 43 isn't old, just depends on what your body is upto. I was watching TV the other day and Geena Davies was on there (the actress) she has got 3 children, 1 yr old twins and a 3 yr old, i'm pretty sure she had them naturally, and she is 50 this year.

You need to give yourself time to recover from this loss, don't rush yourself.

mootoo · 14/03/2006 15:02

Just wanted to say sorry too broken

FirstNikki · 14/03/2006 17:29

Broken so sorry to hear of your loss hope you are coping as best as you can.

evenhope I noticed you mentioned your feelings....I mc'd recently too and since the physical loss I spent over a week being and feeling normal seemed to be coping really well until this weekend went it just hit me. So my message is to you and anyone else who has had to suffer a loss, be good to yourself because sometimes you may think you are ok and it just creeps up on you .xx

Take care xx

Original poster

broken · 14/03/2006 20:19

thanks for your kind words everyone. It really did help. my ds was ill on the weekend so I had to focus on him (not serious but very sick, ok now). It gave me perspective. Bleeding is almost stopped so I can not have the daily reminiders now. I don't think I will tell my anyone beyond this safe cyberworld right now. I think I will let time do it's work and see what the future brings. Maybe someday I can post on another thread better news. Thanks again!

OP posts:

wools · 15/03/2006 13:49

Broken, I've only just seen this thread and wanted to say how sorry I am about your miscarriage. I am the same age as you and had my 2nd miscarriage in December - and was devastated by it...I felt exactly the same - that it was my last chance and I wouldn't ever have any more children. I am now almost 10 weeks pregnant (still can't quite believe it) and I just wanted to say 43 is not too old and when you feel ready to try again. Wishing you all the best.

Original poster

broken · 16/03/2006 23:44

That gives me hope, it really does. I do know of women who have had babies at this age. In fact my mil who always makes cracks about me being to old for my last baby (I was 41) I found out from dh recently was born when her mum was 44!

Congratulations on your pregnancy. I do feel like I could try one last time but haven't had the nerve to bring it up to dh yet. I will of course wait a few months and hopefully he will be agreeable to try one more time. I do feel this need to try again despite everything. Thanks again for all your messages.

OP posts:

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