Suddenly struggling again without my Mum

[Loika]

My mum died in 2000 from breast cancer. I have had to get married and have my dd without her support, it feels so much harder today. My dd has just had her first birthday and we had the families over for a little party today, i missed her. I did invite my Dad's partner but she couldn't make it and it was probably better that way. My Dad isn't the most demonstrative of people, sure he loves me but not once was there any physical contact today, no kiss hello or goodbye, its not his way, mum did all that. You forget how important that is until its gone. I am sure Mum is in the great gin bar in the sky but I would rather have her sensible and sometimes deliberatly daft personality to help me through. Would have been nice to ask those pregnancy and baby questions about her having me, not to mention being an over qualified midwife. This year would be her 70th birthday, and unlike my Dad she would have a party, its just she's not here. I'm totally in peices writing this, I just had to tell someone and i can't say anything to my facebook friends, they just wouldn't get it so better to be anonymous.

Sorry for your sadness-it's a shame your little one won't meet their grandma.

Apologies if this is a rubbish idea (or you've already done it), but the coming months might be a good time to start a journal/scrapbook/memory book where you record all the things you love about your mom so in the future it'll help your child/children feel closer to her and understand how much she meant. She sounds wonderful x

Hey

My mum died in 2006 of breast cancer, when I was 6 weeks pregnant with my first child. I understand how difficult it is to do these things without a mum around. Occasions always bring it to the forefront don't they. My Dad is the same, I had the same kind of relationship with my mum as you do.

For me, I find that the grief is not as heart wrenching as it once was, but I have periods where I am quite down, and know that is the reason. Do you think you may be having one of those difficult periods? I know what I am like when I am having one, but also know that it will pass and my feelings will settle down again.

Anyway, I just wanted to let you know that I care. Its my mums birthday today, has been ok, I have a much deeper sadness at the moment, but she is always at the back of my mind. My little boys first birthday was on Thursday and that was hard, but I am kind of getting used to her not being at these occasions, I feel terrible saying that, but I think its just the passage of time, doesn't mean I love her any less. xxxxxx

Thank you for your messages, I really appreciate it!

My Mum really wanted grandchildren and mentioned her sadness at never seeing any before she died. I had to use that bit of information to shake up my Dad when he was in intensive care and motivate him to make the effort to get well. That kinda makes it stick in your head and makes missing her that little bit worse!

I totally agree twinklesunshine you do get episodes of missing them and feel almost uncontrollably down. Hard to describe to someone else. You do get used to it on the day but there is often a lingering sadness that gets you later when your not too sure why. I get a bit like that in november.

lucamom your so right I should do something, I try to focus on the questions DD will ask and prepare stuff for her.

Thank you again.xx