Dear friend has just lost her baby - counselling now or wait a few months?

[SamosaYouWinSamosaYouLose]

My wonderful friend has just gone through a horrific pregnancy. She was pregnant with twins, but lost one quite early on (14 weeks), then waters broke early with second twin however they managed to delay labour for a week or so, then her DD was born (at 29 weeks). sadly she immediately struggled and a few days later.

My friend is obviously distraught, though coping as well as i think anyone could. She can get some counselling through NHS in a month or so, but i wonder (as she does) if she needs to chat to someone sooner? She herself says she is desperate to chat to someone independent (even though she has close friends and family who are providing a lot of support)

If anyone has any recommendations (I'm so sorry if you have experienced this directly) I'd love to know. I don't live particularly near, but I want to be as much help as possible.

It's devastating for your friend. I would try SANDS charity that deals with bereavement for parents of stillborn babies or babies that have died during pregnancy. You sound like a lovely friend

So sorry for your friend, it's so shocking and painful to loose a baby, I lost my son at 42 weeks just over two years ago. I think part of the reason they get you to wait for councelling is because it's usually used to help people who have got stuck in part of their grieving process and you need a little time to get over the shock and grieve normally before they jump in with help. BUT if your friend really feels she needs something now there are a few organisations that will just listen with an independant ear.

Might seem a bit strange but samaritians are really good at just listening to people and can be a good place to offload with the things you don't feel you can say to anyone else.

www.samaritans.org/talk_to_someone.aspx

or there is SANDS

www.uk-sands.org/Support/Talk-to-someone.html

or there is Bliss

www.bliss.org.uk/help-for-families/bereavement/counselling-and-other-support/

You sound like a really good friend, just keep listening and that will help a lot, I hope your friend can heal well, it never goes away but it gets less raw (though typing that just made me cry, it's the way it goes day to day)

Take Care

Sorry

Samaritains

www.samaritans.org/talk_to_someone.aspx

SANDS

www.uk-sands.org/Support/Talk-to-someone.html

Bliss

www.bliss.org.uk/help-for-families/bereavement/counselling-and-other-support/

If she is on MN there is also the berevement threads

jerseypearl and trickle thank you so much for this. Iam so sorry trickle for your loss, and jersey if you too are speaking from experience, I am truly sorry too. It is hard to imagine a more painful event to experience in life.

I will look at these links, trickle. It is interesting regarding waiting for counselling - I can now see the reason for a slight delay in the process.

I met my friends a couple of days ago and we had a good, though heartbreaking, chat. we were both distraught at times, but I think it helped generally.

once again, thank you, and I'm so sorry if I have stirred very painful memories.

oh everlong that's really hard. i am so sorry but thank you so much for your thoughts. I will speak to my friend and share your experiences with her - obviously it is completely her call - but I think even knowing there are others who have gone through, and survuved, comparable experiences will be a comfort.

thank you all so much.

samosa already lots of good advice here. So sad for your friend.

I'd also perhaps speak to some friends who live nearby, to see if they would be willing to be part of a regular support group... you sound like a lovely friend, but sometimes it can be very draining to 'emote' over the phone, even to a very good friend.

Just allow her to talk, to wonder, to imagine her children face-to-face, with someone who cares about her is important. Both immediately, and then later, once the initial impact subsides, which is when a lot of people go back to their normal lives, and she will still be living with her horrible new reality.

Remember the monthly anniversary of the dates her children died will mean a lot, even if it's just a text.

People will say "Call me for anything" but she probably won't even know what to ask for, so be prepared to make suggestions, which might be turned down, but also might appeal once in a while.

Sadly, I know all this from experience. My gorgeous Mia died at the age of 13 months, totally unexpectedly, last October.