I miss my dad so so much I can't breathe

[crazy8]

I miss my dad so so much. He died nearly 2 years ago after a long illness. I still find it unbearably hard. I have good days and bad but today is so so shit. Having problems with husband and just miss my dad talking to me. I wish I could hear his voice. Give him a hug. I want him here. I haven't stopped crying all day. I still find it hard that he is no longer here. My dad made me feel better about everything. We had massive arguments but 2 seconds later everything was alright. We never held a grudge. My dad wasn't perfect but I knew he loved me with all his heart and would move a mountain for me.

He never complained abut his illness. I just wish I could make it all better. How can someone so full life no longer be here.

I feel so stupid. I know people on here have lost their DC and I can't even begin to imagine their pain.

I would do anything to see my dad again.

Crazy it's not stupid. You have lost possibly the only man in your life who will love you unconditionally for whatever you do.

Do you have a faith. I don't but many draw comfort from it,

Thanks Rhonda. Had started another thread in relationships. Husband told me 5yrs ago he wasn't sure if had ever loved me and 2 months ago told me doesn't think we have ever had a relationship. This after 3 DC and 20yrs marriage!!

Feel that the only person who truly loved me was my Dad. I am it particularly close to my mum although she relies on me a lot.

Going through a lot of problems with husband which is just making everything worse.

I don't think you're being stupid. Grief is so often unbearable.

While its not the same Roberson or the same circumstances I can empathise with you completely. At times I feel all consumed by my grief for certain people, it is a physical pain, so you are not being stupid, your feelings were real and are as valid as anybody else's.

I know it's horrible to relive it and cry for that amount of time, but sometimes I find it's what I need. Time is a healer but every now and again when it's not something you've dwelled on for a while or tried to move on from and I think you do need that release of emotion.

I don't know you're personal beliefs but I tend to feel I can still talk to those I've lost, admittedly there's no response but to feel they can hear me is very comforting as is my religion.

Unfortunately people die, completely at random, with no real explanation and often in circumstances where it seems really unjust. Sometimes the phrase 'the good die young' is too apt. The only thing I can think of in these situations is that those people loved life and you and wouldn't want you to feel unhappy or hold back on your life because of them.

Thank you Ruby. I know it's unreasonable of me to think my dad should live forever. I will hold on to the thought that I know he wanted me to live my life to the fullest. He was so full of the joys of life himself. Always the shining light in a room. So warm, kind and considerate. I know he wanted me to enjoy my life.

I just feel so alone today. Like my heart will break in two.

So sorry you're suffering like this, crazy, and that your H is being something of a nob.
Have you been able to visit your Dad's grave at all? I know it's not for everyone, but some people do go and "chat" to the people that have died (my Grandad went every week to "see" my Nanna) and take comfort from it.
Alternatively, some counselling might benenficial?

(((hugs))) for you - hope your H sorts his attitude out pronto. :(

It sounds as if you are having unrelated problems and possibly are projecting?

I think that it's important to take time to grieve and remember and actually feel your pain. Trying to ignore it won't help and I imagine with a few days you will feel much better.

When that point comes, probably tomorrow morning or sometime soon after when you think , no I need to get on with things get it together, I just try and take inspiration from the people and think well this isn't what they would have wanted, get out there and live.

You shouldn't feel silly for taking time every now and again to feel your grief.

My father was cremated for religious reasons so I have no grave to visit. Husband being a big nob.

Do you still have the ashes?

Oh that's a shame. No jar of ashes, no final resting place?
Well, is there a special place you and your Dad had together, where you might feel closer to him again? If not, maybe there's a place you can go where you feel peaceful, and just chat to him there, if you think it would help.

Do you think your marriage is seriously in trouble? :(

Ashes have been scattered abroad in sacred river. Didn't really have a special place although that sounds so lovely. Spent time with him at my parents house or mine. I wish I did have somewhere special. Will try and find somewhere peaceful where I can chat to him.

I think my marriage may be in serious trouble. Am all over the place at the moment. I don't have the mental energy to deal with him.

Have you had any counselling? you could try Cruse (bereavement counselling) - they may be able to help you.

I hope you can find a peaceful place to chat to your Dad - even just vocalising the issues may help you to find some answers.

I am so sorry you lost your dad. i lost my dad very recently and i am always bursting into tears at inappropriate times. the music that we both enjoyed (fleetwood mac, tracy chapman etc) is helping but in a sad way. sorry i cant be of more help xxx

So sorry to hear what you are going through Crazy8.
It sounds like you had a very special bond and that he was a fantastic father. Every daughter should know the unconditional love from their father that you describe.
Can you think about what your dad would tell you to do if he were here re. nob husband?
What would he advise you?

I believe all rivers/oceans are linked due to the constant nature of the water cycle, so perhaps you could find a quiet spot near water to have some time out to think?

Oh I feel for you so much crazy. It's only been 3 months for me and my god my days weeks are still a roller coaster.

I feel so down some days but when I do think about her and feel suffocated when thinking I can't talk to her hug etc. I just have to believe heavily that she is around and I even put my hand/ arms out and say please hug me - my friend who's a medium has said my mum would be there and she's always around. We've had lots spiritually happen too, white fluffy feathers have randomly appeared, same songs which mean something to me have randomly come on the radio.

Each to their own beliefs though but spiritually believing she is around and sharing everything helps. And when I ask for a sign she's around and I get one mainly a fluffy feather but it's comfort and it's all I can hold on to.

Here if u need a chat

Take care, cry when u need too and look after yourself Hun. Also helps for me to add to my mums shelf with special bits that would mean lots to her x