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Bereavement

Find bereavement help and support from other Mumsnetters. See also your choices after baby loss.

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Original poster

Thoughtful present idea for friend who has MC following an amnio!

19 replies

mum2twins · 04/03/2006 10:58

Hi
My DD bestfriends mum has just had a miscarrige following her amnio. I would like to get her something but don't know her very intimately. She will obviously be getting lots of flowers - any ideas for something nice but not too sad?

OP posts:

cupcakes · 04/03/2006 11:00

Offer to look after her dd. I got flowers after my m/c and wouldn't have wanted anything more long lasting (too upsetting).
But help with the childcare is so appreciated.

cupcakes · 04/03/2006 11:03

and offer to help specifically - 'would x like to come round for tea after school on Monday'/'shall I take her to school today?' rather than just a vague offer of help which she may feel awkward about phoning up and asking you to do.

Original poster

mum2twins · 04/03/2006 11:04

Unfortunately, she has another younger one (very clingy) and also a nanny. So I am not sure that would help. Thanks cupcakes for the feedback about longerlasting gift - that was my worry that it would just act as a reminder. Not sure if I should just hang back at the moment and let her grieve with her family.

OP posts:

cupcakes · 04/03/2006 11:07

send a card with a note saying that you are thinking of her. It doesn't sound much but it will be appreciated.
When my friend's dad died I sent her a rose in a pot which she planted up as a reminder. It might be nicer than sending flowers (which die) and perhaps seeing soemthing growing and blooming in the garden might be a comfort in the future. I know this contradicts what I just wrote about having lasting reminders around but this is my one exception.

Original poster

mum2twins · 04/03/2006 11:13

Thanks cupcakes . Potted rose sounds nice.

OP posts:

meggmoo · 04/03/2006 11:14

Cupcakes what a lovely idea.

cupcakes · 04/03/2006 11:15

Thank you for this thread. My m/c is still ongoing and this has given me the inspiration to seek out a September flowering plant (when my baby was due) as something to help me at the due date.

amynnixmum · 04/03/2006 11:22

I like the roses idea - my mum gave me an azaelea after my m/c and I planted it in the garden. I used to go out and look at it and remember - not in a horrible way just in a 'I won't forget you' way.

cupcakes · 04/03/2006 11:23

That sounds really special - I have just started a thread in Garedning to see if I can find a plant to remember my baby.
Am glad it brings you some comfort.

meggmoo · 04/03/2006 11:24

:( cupcakes
can I suggest this clematis, it blooms twice, once in September, they are such beautiful flowers too.

\link{http://www.clematis.hull.ac.uk/clemdetail.cfm?dbkey=80\here}

meggmoo · 04/03/2006 11:28

SEDUM 'Septemberglut' for an amzing shot of colour, to remind you perhaps? I found sedum's quite easy to manage in my garden.

cupcakes · 04/03/2006 11:28

Thank you. It's an amazing colour. Do you have this?
I shall show to dh.

cupcakes · 04/03/2006 11:29

I think I have sedum - it is easy which is reassuring. I don't want to panic about killing it.

meggmoo · 04/03/2006 11:29

Isn't the clematis gorgeous. I had one in my last garden and after a few years of treating it very well, it was the most stunning thing ever.

Would love to get one if I had a decent enought garden!

amynnixmum · 04/03/2006 11:29

I'm not sure of sept flowering plants but I got a lovely rose for my MIL called Rememberance. It might not be appropriate in your friends case but my MIL lost her dd when she was 14 months old and I bought her the rose for what would have been her dd's 30th birthday. I think most roses will keep flowering throughout spring and summer if you dead head them regularly - I know all mine do, I've even had a couple of flowers on one of them at xmas.

meggmoo · 04/03/2006 11:31

Yes I know what you mean. All the Sedums I have ever had have been very hardy/robust indeed.

Sorry M2T, for taking over a bit

AggiePanther · 04/03/2006 11:44

Camelias bloom this time of year ...I know because my mum died today 8 years ago ..and camelias always remind me ..beautiful plants too

cupcakes · 04/03/2006 11:45

Oh god, I'm so sorry.

AggiePanther · 04/03/2006 12:04

We usually plant something white each year ...its a really nice thing to do as a family ...but this year the ground is covered in snow so I think we'll have a family sledging day instead ...she'd have liked that :)

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