DO I SUGGEST MY 10 YEAR OLD SON GOES TO GRANDADS FUNERAL (SEE OTHER POST ALSO?

[zara206y]

Sons grandad has passed away, do i let him go to the funeral? My son is very sensative normally and this is very hard as i am divorced from his father so i personally am the black sheep for leaving his father. The family hates me, i recently sent flowers but nothing acknowledged now he has died not sure if he should go to funeral? I personally think this will be too much for my 10 year old.

You will get a lot of people telling you that children need to learn about death, 10 is old enough etc etc however, only you know how your ten year old would handle it.

Personally I wouldnt have my son (9 almost 10) at a funeral, it would be too much for him. I went to a funeral when I was 9 and it gave me a terrible fear of death that I still have some 30 years later.

If you think it would be too much then no, dont let him go. Were you close to your FIL - it doesnt sound like you are so do you have to go anyway?

I would talk to your son. Talk to him about what it is likely to be like, eg. Will people criticise you to him, will the family be hysterical or get drunk? Is a family get together an excuse for a fight? Or will people be dignified and sad?
What form of service will it be? Who will he be with, his Dad? Will there be anyone else there you both trust?

You need to make a joint decision. You can always go and visit the grave/garden of rememberance on a separate occasion if it is inappropriate for him to attend.

Late year my Grancha (Grandad) died my Ds age 10 wanted to go and say goodbye all the way up to the day. On the day she said she was worried about Ds2 age 8 and she said she should probably stay with her instead and make sure everything was ready for Grancha's party (that's what my Dad called it). I had big reservations about her going and the relief I felt when she changed her mind was huge. He lived 6 doors away from us so we were very close.
I think talk to your son, what has he said? Maybe suggest going to the wake, and not the funeral. As for you being the black sheep this is about finding a way for your Ds to say goodbye to his Grandad.

Yes, if

He wants to
His dad or another trusted adult will be with him to support him
Heknows what to expect
The funeral will be dignified
The other adults there will behave appropriuately

Our Dd aged 5 went to her brothers memorial service but she was with us of course. Also there was no coffin/body/graveside bit at that service

sorry for not posting sooner but i was too upset. I havent seen my x father in law since i left my x husb...some 7 yrs. I was however very close to them, but that changed when i left...i became the black sheep for leaving their son. MY boy had a good relationship with them tho and loved his Pops. My son spent two nights crying at bedtime, i stayed with him untill he went to sleep really. I have since spoken to my boy telling him that he can talk to me or his father when ever he needs too, and that its ok to cry etc. Today i asked him if he wanted to go to the funeral (i am not going, i wont be welcome), my son staight straight away NO. My son is very loving, shy, and very very sensative. I think the funeral wont give him closure it will make it worse for him. So as far as i am seeing he wont be going. I am not sure what his father wants, but i would rather stick to what my son wants.

I'm sorry for your son's loss zara. Sorry, don't quite understand - was 'Pops' his name for his Grandad?
To me as an adult the main reason to go to a funeral is to show my support and affection to the bereaved, but I understand that isn't the right thing for you to do in these circumstances. Will he have an opportunity to give his grandmother a big hug soon though?