I'v just lost a close friend, how can I help her husband and Boys??

[smellyolddog]

Does anyone have advice, what can I do I feel very helpless? My very good friend died on thursday unexpected and in hospital, for just routine tests that all went horribly wrong.

She's left behind 2 boys age 5 & 2 and a husband - I don't live near by, my gut feeling was to splash out and just buy the boys some toys to keep them busy while dad's sorting out the funeral? is that a good idea? I'm really floundering here as to what would be useful..

This sounds awful but could someone let me know a way to help or just let them know my thoughts are with the family.

I think this has hit very hard as she's my first friend to die and she's a mummy.
Thanks

my only advice is to be there. offer practical help, comfort, cook a meal. and dont be afraid to talk about it.

i would offer to spend time with the boys if they know you well. i wouldnt buy toys, tbh. you cant distract them from this with material things. a trip to the park would be better if the dad needs space.

I'm so sorry, what a horrible shock for you.
I found this article here which I hope might be useful to you.

onearnedbandit -i would love to do those things but I live 3 hours away I'm afraid hence the posting of gifts or something just anything??

Seriousquestion what a fantastic link - thank you for sharing that, I'm going to write a letter to him now and then make sure i write little and often. I'm sure I have pictures of us together before he met her so I will look for this and share them with him along with other memories.

I did hear that the time after the funeral is the hardest so will maybe send the letter later on?

what a sad story op

i agree your idea sounds a lovely one - i have been in your position,not a close friend though and wasn't sure if i did the right thing or not but felt the need to do something

I do just feel helpless so far away,

we are (were ) really close from having lived together at uni, so she's a old friend we shared a lot of growing up together and we have kept in touch via phone, met up and facebook, so she's a very dear friend.

Her husband called me at 12pm thursday to tell me, it transpired she had died at 5am that morning and I was the first non family member he called, i felt very very sad but very honored that he called me.

So sorry for you... Look after yourself too. You are grieving too.

Very sorry for you losing your friend. I have been in a similar position very recently and agree that the best help is practical. Difficult for you being so distant, but could you get a shopping order delivered, or even prepared meals.
Could you arrange, and maybe pay for, a cleaner to go in, maybe not that one straight away, or someone to do the washing/ironing, or mow the lawn. You could offer to phone some of the people who need to be informed of the funeral date.
Obviously some of these won't apply, I'm just remembering the things my friend said were helpful. I think it's just anything that relieves the day to day functional stuff really.
And of course your letters are a good idea too. My friend was overwhelmed with visitors and phone calls, so I stuck to short texts which didn't put them on the spot to respond.
x