Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Bereavement

Find bereavement help and support from other Mumsnetters. See also your choices after baby loss.

Flip

Original poster

Is this weird?

13 replies

Cantthinkofagoodname · 08/07/2012 00:20

I'm the only child of deceased parents, have no birth famIly left alive. After my mum died I inherited the family home, which I redecorated completely - it looks nothing like my childhood home now.

Anyway we are expecting DC2 and are planning on naming him after my dad. I'd always wanted to do this if I ever had a son, but now it's getting closer to the birth I'm not so sure. What if the name brings back bad memories? What if my son feels overshadowed by his grandfather?

Also we are planning on a homebirth, but the only room suitable for the birth pool is the

OP posts:

Original poster

Cantthinkofagoodname · 08/07/2012 00:22

... Playroom, which is where my dad died!

Is this situation weird to anyone else? I can't decide how I feel.

OP posts:

OldLadyKnowsNothing · 08/07/2012 00:25

My Ds1 got a family name, including my deceased dad's. My dgs has both his father's name (surname) and the first names of two of his grandfathers, one from each side of his family.

There are no painful memories for the dc, there are no memories at all. Family names refer to continuity, imvho.

OldLadyKnowsNothing · 08/07/2012 00:27

And I knew we'd x-post... i actually think that the room where your dad died is an excellent place to give birth! You are so lucky to have such continuity.

whooosh · 08/07/2012 00:32

Well given that you say the house looks nothing like it did when you were a child,then that should be fine. Assuming that you didn't call your Dad by his Christian name (which would be very unusual) then I think it would be VERY unlikely that his/your future DS's name would have any impact.Your DS will be an individual and part of your family in his own right,regardsless of his name.
Your son will only feel "overshadowed" by his Grandfather" if you propogate it...there is nobody else who would. In fact,it should be a positive and you should encourage him (at the appropriate time) to be proud of his name and why he was named x and I am sure he will just revell in the history...not overshadowed at all.

MyLittleMiracles · 08/07/2012 00:38

We choose to use my father in laws name as my sons middle name, originally we was going to use my FIL's name as his first name, but was worried about the same thing, so my son still carries the name, but it isnt used

OldLadyKnowsNothing · 08/07/2012 00:46

OTOH, just realised (via whooosh) that if the GF was famous in some way, it could be a bit of a burden...

zeno · 08/07/2012 12:24

Not wierd. I used to think it was wierd that people could carry on living ina home where someone they loved died; then it happened to us and I realised it's not at all!

Our second dd is growing up in the room where her sister died. Same rug, same bedding etc. I would have given birth to dd2 in there if I hadn't had to go to be induced.

If anyone tries to tell you it's wierd you are allowed to tell them to fuck off. Or alternatively, that unless they've been there and done that they don't get to judge.

Original poster

Cantthinkofagoodname · 13/07/2012 18:23

Thanks everyone. I think the imminent arrival is stirring up a lot of stuff for me and things feel a bit tough at the moment. It's just hard to gauge what's "normal"!

OP posts:

worrywortisworrying · 13/07/2012 20:30

Not weird at all.

I grew up being taken on picnics to family member's graves (we're also the sort of family who like to have their photos taken with the corpse!!)

My DS has my DGD's name. I loved my Grandad, and I see that relationship being replayed with my son and my dad. It is the way life is.

Nothing sinister can come from love.

BombasticAghast · 13/07/2012 20:32

My Ds has a family name (from Dh's family) but I often find myself nearly calling him by my (deceased) dad's name.

I think if we had called him that I would have found it comforting.

Not weird at all to use a family name.

Lovely in fact.

KristinaM · 16/07/2012 00:52

In my country it used to be tradition to give a child a middle name which was a family name, either the mothers maiden name or the first name of a parent or granparent. Almost everyone i know of my age has a family name as a first or middle name. We have kept this with our chidren too. So it all seems prefectly normal to me-even more important in your case as you are the only one left from your family of origin.

saffronwblue · 17/07/2012 08:21

My DS is named after my DF. They both really enjoyed the continuity and saw it as making them specially close. DS was 7 when my DF died and I love the fact that they share the name. It is DS's name but it has an extra layer of family in it.

Tamisara · 17/07/2012 08:56

I think it's really nice actually... I take it he will have a different surname anyway?

In my family, it was traditional for the christian & middle names to be passed down, from father to son... so when my granddad was alive, there were three generations of males with the same names: My granddad, my dad & my brother. My granddad was called by his first name, my dad by an abbreviation of his middle name, and my brother was called by his third (untraditional) name, which upset my nan & granddad no end. He now calls himself by his first name, although we (family) still call him by his second middle name.

I don't think there is anything wrong with birthing the baby, in the same place where your dad died. I used to be a bit spooked by death etc, but DD2 was born sleeping, so she actually died inside me, so I now realise that sentiments are what we attach to such things, along with any superstitious thoughts.

DD1's middle names are the first names of my maternal grandmother, and DH's paternal grandmother.

Flip