Advice please

[MrsAlwaysRight]

A friend of mine had twins and very sadly lost one of them several days later. I would like to make a picture for the nursery and wanted to personalise it with the twin's names but I am slightly wary that it may upset them.

She has spoken of how they don't want people to feel they can't mention the baby for fear of upsetting them. However I just wondered what people's opinions are as to whether seeing the name on a daily basis would be too much or if it would be better to include the name as although she was only with them for a brief time she is still part of their family and should be acknowledged as such.

I would really appreciate if anyone would mind sharing their thoughts on this.
Many Thanks

I think that using both names is a lovely idea. I have lost a baby and I would love to think that someone made something special for him. It wouldn't upset me seeing his name, but would rather make me smile as a beautiful reminder that both children are within the family still and thought about.

I wonder if it would be more hurtful for them not to have her included? She was with them for a few days you say. I feel that my baby is very much part of our family and I have heard many mums say the same.

Only my opinion mind, but you are a lovely friend to be so thoughtful.

Firsttobed thank you for taking the time to reply to my post. I really appreciate you sharing your thoughts on the matter, especially as you have lost your own beautiful baby.

My friend shared a lovely quote that was along the lines of - don't be afraid to mention her name if you are worried about reminding them that she died, as you are not reminding them she died, they haven't forgotten this. You are reminding them that you remember she lived. More eloquently put though!

I think my gut feeling is that her name should be included.

mrsalwaysright do follow your instinct, and put both names in your picture. Too many people feel awkward about mentioning a child who has died. The omission is so much worse. You are right, acknowledging that they lived, and they mattered, will be affirming for your friend. You are also letting her know that she can speak to you about the twin who died, as not everyone will feel like you. We have photos of my red-headed Mia everywhere, and talk about her all the time. I couldn't do otherwise. I could never deny her.

Could you make 2 pictures?

That way your friend could have the choice.

Thank you for sharing your thoughts on this

Iwish idea is a good one, make two pictures as a "pair" that go together but work equally well apart, that way if your friend cannot bear to have one up then she can still keep and treasure it but have it somewhere she can look at it when she chooses? Oh, and you sound like a lovely friend x

Lucyellensmum12345 Thanks for your thoughts