My X father in law in hospital with colon cancer and days/hours to live...how do i make it less painful for my 10 year old?

[zara206y]

My x-father in law has cancer he was diagnosed just before christmas and is/was very positive about it apparently, booking holidays etc. (My x husband makes it painful for me when i said i was devastated to hear the news and said he doesnt care about my feelings). Anyway he has been taken to hospital and may not make it over weekend, i have told my x that i will explain to our 10 yr old boy why he wont be at his dads this weekend. My x said that he has to rush to his dads bedside as it could be hours. SO my son asked why isnt dad coming and so i sat him down and said "Dad has gone to be with pops in hospital because he is very ill (his dad already told him months ago he has cancer). I said that he may get better and that he may go to heaven with Nanna L (my nanna). My son just raised his eyebrows and said "really". Then walked off and carried on as normal. Bedtime comes and when he is settling down for the night he his in floods of tears. He said he keeps thinking about Pops and all the funtimes and it makes him sad. I explained to him that he is in the best place for the nurses and doctors to look after him but i feel useless in saying that i cannot help him. He asked "Is he really going to die?", i said that i hoped not cause i loved him too but he may do if he gets very sick. How can i make this easier for him? Is there a way to do this? I havent seen 'Pops' for about 7 yrs since i divorced my x, so that side of the family hate me for doing so still. I sent flowers to them when i heard he was ill, i got no reply of thanks from them or my x. I feel shit.

Dying is part of life. Bereavement is part of death too. Grieving for your son has just begun, and he has a right to grieve. Talk about the good times with pops. If he believes in Heaven, so much the better. He is going to a better, more fun, place. It is a shame that your son cannot be involved with this, my daughter of the same age went to a funeral recently, it was brilliant and she had a great time with her cousins, after being very sad.

Dying is part of life. Bereavement is part of death too. Grieving for your son has just begun, and he has a right to grieve. Talk about the good times with pops. If he believes in Heaven, so much the better. He is going to a better, more fun, place. It is a shame that your son cannot be involved with this, my daughter of the same age went to a funeral recently, it was brilliant and she had a great time with her cousins, after being very sad.

His grandad has died. HIs father came over to tell him. Last night my son was in bed very upset. I talked about the good times etc and that he was loved by his 'pops'. My son then said he wasnt because there wasnt many photos of him in grandparents house, that there was more of his cousins! I didnt know how to react to that...other than because there is 3 other cousins to that family and only my son that there may look more. ANd that my son had his grandads surname so thats extra special. Its very difficult because my x father in law and mother in law, obviously hated me when i left their son, so i never had the chance to see them. I sent flowers when i found out he was ill and they never replied or acknowledged them, neither did their son (my x husband)...very hurtful, even more so now he has died.