My friends DH has died.

[IwishIwasmoreorganised]

He died over the weekend after a short and very sudden illness.

She lives 150 miles away and I am at a loss to know what to do to help her.

He was so young, fit and healthy. They are just the most lovely family with 2 young dc.

I'm also struggling far more than I would expect to be. He was the same age as me. It's shocked me to the core, and I feel selfish to be feeling like this when it's her and her family who have suffered this terrible loss.

As you are the same age as your friends DH it is quite normal to feel that way it brings home the fact that you are vulnerable to death.

Is it possible to visit? If so be practical hugs and feeding children etc. Or even just sitting with her.

nonio is right - I think the reality of death is something that hits us very hard when its sudden like this.

Also if she is up to it you can suggest that something like wins tons wish link for the children or cruse for your friend. Obviously friends and family are most important but these professional organisations have a wealth of support and help that can be very useful.

What Nonio said.

Also, as there are children in the family, get in touch with Winston's Wish or recommend them to your friend when the moment seems right. They are a charity who support bereaved children and those who are looking after them.

They have been invaluable to us and their helpline people are amazing. They support parents and carers at the times when it's seems impossible to meet the needs of the children when you're struggling to survive yourself.

Thank you.

It's all so raw at the moment, and I live too far away to be able to visit but will certainly bear Winstons Wish and Cruse in mind as support for them when the time's right. Perhaps I could mention them to a more local friend or her parents at her DH's funeral. As they'll see her regularly they'll be more likely to know when that time is.

Just wish I could do ore to help. I'm going to send a card, but knowing what to write is so difficult. Should I stick to a very basic message, or something longer and more what I would want to say if I was seeing her in person ( will she feel up to reading it I wonder)?

I would say what you really want as if she doesn't at first she will later.

I was hoping that's what you'd say. Thank you xx