I miss my mum

[Dunnyjo]

I lost my mum a few weeks ago suddenly and today is turning out to be another bad day. I do have some ok days but i feel so torn. I remember when i was a little girl i'd get this panicky feeling that mum was going out of not there. Now i'm 24 and its really happening she is not there and never will be its turning around in my stumack hurting really bad.
Some days i feel numb and it does not feel like it is registering, so i keep busy. I have a little one so he keeps me going (gets me out of bed in the morning) I am 6 months pregnant and i know when i have the baby i will feel even worse with hormones and stuff. It just does not feel like i will ever get out of this black hole. I know i need to be strong for my family esspecially my dad as i'd know he would be most annoyed if he saw me letting myself go, but i just want to scream and cry my bloody eyes out. I just dont know how to keep it all together anymore.

oh dunnyjo,poor you.How awful to lose your mum at such a young age.
You need to let yourself grieve.It's such early days.Your father will be going through the same thing,could you not talk to him about it?

When my mum died i stayed by his side sleeping in the living roomwith him and we would talk all the time. Now i am back home and he is trying to get back into reality we dont talk anymor. I know he still feels it because i always see tears in his eyes. Before she passed away my mum and dad baught a house with my sister to extend on sort of thing, now he just wants a room and he has baught himself a single bed. Their house is sitting empty waiting for the move to happen and it tears me appart going in there to help pack things. Also going through her clothes was really hard. God i am going on now! i am close with all my family and my sister. She is the same as me. She is back at work becasue she is a police officer she works weird shifts so its hard to see her. My brother does not say much. My husband is great though but when i am at home feel i am climbing the walls with all this pain. I just want to pick up thephone in the mornings like i used to and talk to her

God it was only 3yrs ago i was living with my parents, and still i am trying to find my way around this growing up be indapendant business! maybe i was too dependant on her and now i will have to go it alone. How sad is this, but my mum always baught me my hearing aid batteries because she new how terrible i was for forgeting them and end up walking around not hearing a thing. lol she always kept me in order

I can't imagine the pain your going through.I'm 43 ,my mum is 71.She lives in Canada and I miss her a lot.I know she'll get old and die but I dread it I really do.

At the risk of sounding all yank and counselly ,I think you need to give yourself permission to cry and scream etc.Remember the good times,make a photo album of her .Above all don't feel bad for crying.

It's nearly 2 years since my mum died. I still miss her - that hasn't got any easier for me - but (most of the time) I do now find it easier to cope with the feeling of loss. It is still very early days for you. I found deciding realisticly what the minimum I had to do each day helped. Trying to do too much didn't work for me - I either did everything badly or just gave up. Before my mum died we talked a lot - we knew she was dying and she told me how much comfort she got from cuddling her children when her own mum died. Well, dd2 (who was just 2 then) kept me going, just like your little one is doing for you.
Good luck with your new baby and accept every offer of help you get. Take care

dunnyjo bless you sweetiexx hope in time you feel better

Just wanted to send my sympathies, your post brought tears to my eyes. A few weeks is nothing in bereavement terms. You can't be expected to be "OK" so soon and don't put pressure on yourself to be strong at this stage. I'm also close to my mum and rely on her a lot. Would it help to visit her grave? Could your dh stay home for a bit? Being alone makes it a million times worse. Or could you call the Samaritans, it sounds like it would help to talk, and do keep talking here if it helps.

Dunnyjo

{{{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}}} I know exacly how you feel. My mum died suddenly 2 weeks after Jessica was born (Summer 2004) and I STILL have bad days now (had one on monday!) but it DOES get easier.

There is no solution to keeping it together, I just had to get myself into a routine and stick to it religiously. (All gone to pot now, but it helped at the time)

Lots of long walks with the buggy, fresh air really helped.

Anything you need to talk about, mail me... [email protected]

dunnyjo, i'm so sorry about your mum. and that's so sweet to remember about the batteries, mums are just lovely, and I'm really sorry that she's not around to be with you any more, xx

you are doing the right think by talking about it - my mum died when i was 22 - she was only 42. It is very difficult but you have to talk to someone and dont bottle anything up - in time it will get easier and one day you will (like me) be able to think about your mum and smile at the happy memories you shared. In the meantime it is okay to cry and you must talk to someone - be it your sister, brother or husband. It will be very upsetting seeing what your dad is like - that was the worst thing for me I think but you just have to be there for him too as much as you can. If you and your siblings and dad can get together once in a while that will help. Best wishes and big hugs

It really help with the response i have got and that i am not alone. thnkyou for the support. i feel better writing so i baught a book for me to write in (inway writing to my mum putting all my feelings down)Today has been a better day but yesturday i cried all dayIts lilke different waves of emotionsyou go through. I have set myself a goal each day for this wk and hopefully stick to it (getting out the house) I will just take each day as it comes. Thankyou again for your kind support xxxxxxxx

dunnyjo how are you today?

I was supposed to go to a friends house but could not bring myself to go out. Not very good today, cried myself to sleep last night and today i just feel i am crumbling down in a heap. Ds sees me crying and frowns saying granny.
I keep thinking about when this baby arrives, i am so scared. How can i have all this love around me but yet feel so lonely and scared inside? I feel really petrefied in even thinking about my life ahead and i just feel totally scared by it all. Why is this?

Dunnyjo you are missing your mum. She was with you all your life. You were very lucky to have each other. This is something that most of us will have to face at one time or another.

I can totally understand about your loneliness. You must feel bereft and vulnerable and there aren't any easy answers.

Hopefully you will gradually come to see that your grief is related to your love for her, and that is a positive thing.

I think it would be really good for you to talk to someone in RL, someone who will listen
properly. Just talk about your mum and everything you did together and how you are feeling, or it might help to write things down.

It will hopefully get easier. My sister died when I was 18 (she was 2yrs older than me) and it is a cliche but time does heal.

dunnyjo, you aren't alone sweetie. i know how you feel, i was 24 when my mom passed. now i have my dd i still miss her, especially when she says nanny. she isn't very old, bless her but she smiles like she knows how i feel. i won't lie to you, you will have bad days but don't be too hard on yourself and don't bloody listen to anyone who gives you boring cliches when they haven't been in the same situation. then, someday, you will find that the bad days are getting less and less. maybe it might help if you put a bunch of her fave flowers by a photo on her birthday/anniversary? love and hugs from fransmom x

Hi Dunnyjo
just a wee reminder that there is always someone here if you need some support or just to let your feelings out. I know what you are going through, I have been there too. Sending love and hugs.