Angry with dh

[snowgo00]

Why do (some) men find death so difficult to deal with?
I am still a little upset/shocked some 15 months later when on the day of my mum funeral dh asked me what was sad on tv or words to that effect when I was crying. (sorry awful sentence)
The latest incident is probably really daft. It just indicates that I am still fragile and hormal (28 weeks pregnant)
We have a family planner calendar with stickers for doctors, opticians, birthdays etc. Each family member has a section. Dh has put a sticker on his sectiion for his mums birthday "it a mum thing" Now birthday I could probably handle but "it's a mum thin"?
AIB daft and over sensitive or is this insensitive?

Yes it seems to me that some husbands do find death hard to deal with, or deal with it very differently from us.You are not being daft or over sensitive.

I can empathise with you as my DH was more than hopeless throughout my Mum?s illness and death. I won?t hijack your thread by going into it all but basically he disappeared on numerous unnecessary visits to test drive possible new cars, and was very reluctant to look after the children so I could be at the hospital with my Mum. He even telephoned an ex he hadn?t been in touch with for years as ?he needed some-one to talk to?! We fell out so deeply over it all that after my Mum died we ended up seeing a relationship counsellor .The counsellor said that he could be dealing with my Mother?s death by trying to avoid it completely, and that people deal with grief differently. She also said that in relationships you have to accept those different ways of dealing with things!

I have just posted on another thread with an issue about my Mum?s recent death which I am not even discussing with him as I don?t think he will want to hear it.

I agree that in relationships you do have to be tolerant and accept some differences, but surely some ways of behaving are simply unacceptable. I think that your DH clearly needs to be sensitive and supportive whilst you are still grieving.

However I suppose there is a two stage process:

1. Explain to DH how you would like him to behave and support you.( Surely he can remember his Mother?s birthday and deal with it discretely as far as you are concerned, why does he need to advertise it with post it notes anyway?)....then

1. If your DH can?t deal with your bereavement sensitively then perhaps you have to alter your expectations of him and seek support from bereavement counsellors, other family members, and friends etc instead.

There is always Mumsnet- perhaps why it is so successful at providing support where some DH?s can?t or won?t.

Thank you for your reply and sorry for your loss too.
Agree mumsnet is a great place to let off steam and provide support.

I hate the line "get yourself out"