Do you think we should change undertakers?

[Kladdkaka]

My Dad died last week and I don't think I can bear any more of the messing about. How my mum is keeping it together I don't know. Her heart is breaking and the undertakers are making it worse, not better.

It'll be a week tomorrow and we still don't have a clue when the funeral will be. They keep chopping and changing things and telling her stuff that isn't correct.

Added to this, the priest is nowhere to be seen. My mum is making plans about what she wants at the funeral and the committal and because he's not guiding her, I worry that she is setting her heart on stuff that won't be allowed. My dad was a staunch Catholic so will have a Catholic funeral and committal but my mum isn't Catholic and she doesn't get that in the Catholic church you can't just suit yourself. I've tried to gently prepare her for the rigidity of the church, but she won't have it, insists it'll all be allowed and then get really upset so I have to let it go.

Oh Kladdakaka so sorry for your loss. You don't need this at a time like now!

Has there been no visit from a nun? My Dad was also a Catholic and we had a sister turn up regularly to help us (though none of us are Catholic including Mum) and the priest? Where can he be? Have you phoned up yourself?

I wouldn't worry about what she'll be allowed at the moment...maybe mention that some thiings might not be suited to Catholic church just so she's not too surprised...but we were allowed untypical hymns and stuff at ours...readings from people too.

As for the undertakers...call a couple up tomorrow and speak to them about the logistics...they will certainly advise as you shouldn't be having rubbish service when you're mourning!

HI I am so sorry that you have lost your dad, i lost mine just under two weeks ago.

that undertaker sounds shite, they should have given you a date by now.definitely phone/visit a few others and see what you think.

wrt the priest, is there an abbey or other, bigger church which you could phone for advice or for an alternative priest? failing that, leave a message on the priests answerphone saying your mum wants something totally uncatholic such as some pagan rituals or something, and as he has not helped you plan the service you are presuming this will be fine, and see how fast he gets in touch

again, i am so sorry you have lost your Dad, I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers

I spoke to another undertaker this morning. Within half an hour she rang back with a date. She'd spoken to the abbey and has found out that there are no priests available in the area until July because of some prayer vigil they all have to take part in, which is utterly bizarre. Instead she has found a retired priest who will do the service for my mum.

I'm taking her over to see them this afternoon as they seemed much more professional. I cannot belief how rubbish these others have been. My poor mum has taken my Dad's clothes round twice and twice she's come back with them. She hasn't even been able to see my Dad since he was taken away a week ago because they haven't got round to collecting him from the coroner yet. :(

Oh that's good to hear Kladdakaka how awful for your Mum to have had to do that painful thing without actually getting it sorted! You ought to write a complaint letter once this is all done with.

As I remember it, the funeral getting sorted and finished with really DOES help....you will feel a tiny bit of relief and that helps. SO glad the undertaker has found a priest and got you a date. (hug)

so glad to hear you are getting this sorted, how utterly unprofessional of the first undertakers. well done for speaking to the abbey as well.
I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers

We looked at a couple of funeral places - one was horriable and called back with a date and a time for the crem after my sister left a voicemail asking could somone could call her!! one was very poncy - just not mum

the funeral directors that we used were absolutley amazing - they delt with my dad who was completley shell shocked me and my sister - they didnt bat an eye lid when my dad would phone them 4 times an hour... just to check on somthing. They phoned the church for us and arranged the ashes to be intered and even found a company who would do the memorial stone my dad wanted.

The drivers of the funeral car even came a bit early so he could introduce himself to my brother ( he has serve leaning difficulties ) and talk to him about what would happen - the man walking in front of the car etc...

... From my mums funeral they will be getting alot of business ;)