Love my mumma!

[Luluchristalla]

I lost my beautiful mumma in March of this year, totally unexpected she was actually babysitting my 2 year old and I found her. Too many things I need to say but not yet ready just need to know there are people who understand. I feel as though the stabilizers have been taken off my bike and I really don't like going it alone. This is the worst feeling I have ever experienced and just want to feel ok with it. I know time helps but for every good day I have I seem to have 3 bad ones. I feel my mum around but really want to physically feel her. Wow! needed to get that off my chest! Thanks for listening x

Hi Lulu, I totally understand how you feel. I lost my Mum last May after a 2 year battle with cancer. My son was 2 at the time she died and she absolutely adored him and it's so so sad she won't see him grow up. In the first few weeks I think I was just numb and probably shut down emotionally as I couldn't believe she had gone. A year on and I am now living again but I do think about and miss her every single day. I did get some good help from bereavement books at the library, they made me accept what I was feeling was normal and that grief is a very very hard time. I think I started to feel better when I stopped trying to feel better and said "I'm fed up and want my mum" I cried when I wanted too and I felt at times I was about 10 years old when I'm actually 40! Still too young to be without my mum! Have you had bereavement counselling as this is a big help too. God bless you, Please feel free to contact me as I know how terribly hard it is. Lisa

God I so know what you mean i lost my mum April this year to a severe sudden stroke and its still painful, and more so at the moment as the jubilee celebtrations she would love and i know is.. and also ive got my dads birthday tuesday and my youngest daughters birthday next week. I am hurting very bad although some days are getting a little easier.

Take each day minute by minute, hour by hour and cry if you have too and talk about her and your feelings, go with your feelings, and talk to her too, i find these helped to ease obviously not take away the pain. I have to believe she is still around if I dont it absoultely does me up knowing she is 'gone'.

I am so sorry to hear of your loss lulu and Damash my prayers and thoughts and comfort are with you through this very hard timex x

Thank you and I'm sorry for your loss too. In a wierd way it's nice to have contact with others in the same situation. It's hard for friends and even hubby to understand at times or for me to explain the way I'm feeling. But I know you both know how extremely hard it is. Do you think it's because it's our Mums that have gone. I talk to a pic of my mum all the time and last weekend I managed to go to my step dads house and bag up ans sort out her clothes. The hardest thing was finding an handbag still with a lipstick, tissues, cash card and a straw in it. Like it was just waiting for her to come back and use it again. I kept a top that she always wore and I hold it at bed some nights, just to feel close to her again. Again I had some good advice from bereavement books from the library.

Hi Lulu, I am so sorry for the loss of your dear mum.

I lost my precious dad in October and I have never know pain like it.
I totally understand what you say about feeling like the stabilizers have been taken off your bike....I feel like the rug has been pulled from under my feet and I feel totally lost...like a small child again.

I also talk to my dad, both in my head and to his photo. I slept with his jumper for months and remember being incandescent with rage when it began to lose his smell.

I have counselling from a lovely lady at Cruse. She can't bring my dad back but it is nice to tell my story as it were and she helps me to unravel some of my feelings. That might be something that could help you when the time is right.

I so agree with Damash abut stopping trying to feel better. Just go with it. I have days where I am ok and other days it hits me like a tidal wave and I wail and sob like a baby. My counsellor described grief as a big kind of mass and that some people try to climb over it, others try to go round it but what you actually have to do is go through it.

Be kind to yourself and take care

Damash and t875 , so sorry for your losses too.

Thinking of you all x

Thank you all so much! I have decided to look at counselling to get through this, but like you said it helps to talk to others who understand. Rather sad that we have had to experience this void to be able to help each other though. I wish you all the best and thank you all again. X x

How are you doing lulu? How has the coucilling been? Must wondered as I'm thinking of doing the same. I miss my mum loads and feel anxious when I feel she isn't around and I'm not going to see her anymore or have a hug.

How is everyone else on this thread doing?? I'm struggling like mad. I think more because it's my youngests birthday and I'm struggling her not being around. :-(

X

First wedding anniversary today! Yet another milestone! This year has gone so fast, it's weird because I am wishing the time away to ease the pain but don't want to realise that I have not seen my mum for a long time. 83 days so far and counting. Is that crazy? I'm doing ok but just so much to tell her. Love you Mumma! xx