very sensitive -need advice re: 3yr old & bereavement

[nimbs]

My friend's friend has taken her own life, leaving behind a 3yr old daughter - any advice to help her through this very tragic time much appreciated with regards to what we can do to help. she goes to pre-school with my children and is a close friend to them. thank you

How awful, such a tragedy for the whole family.
Maybe try and support the rest of the family with practical support e.g. meals, offering pick-ups for nursery etc and providing a listening ear.

Not much else I can say I'm afraid,

Hi
I am sorry for your loss.How dreadful.

I felt compelled to post as I had a signifcant family loss aged (only just) 3 (not mother- so identical). So have experience of being that age, ifswim.

In my situation, parents lost the plot and ignored me more or less. Here are the things I'd suggest ensuring happened

Talk about it, allow child to talk about it
allow, encourage to cry
dont assume child wont remember/ be affected due to age. I remember it all.
long term support is required well into teens and beyond.

I was taken under wing (didnt move in, just visited) of some people down my road who had child of same age. They took me on holiday, had me to play and treated me as one of theirs... took pressure off my mum. It was a special relationship and still is. With both friend and the parents. Without them I've no idea what I would have ended up as!

All the best, happy to answer qs if that would help.

gingerbreadlatte has got it spot on.

The child should have every opportunity to talk about her feelings, her mum and to ask questions. Whenever and as often as she needs.

If poss, encourage her to form a strong bond with cousins or friends that are likely to be in her life long-term.

I lost a parent very young. A very similar situation and I was actively discouraged from talking about them or having any means of remembering them. It did me a lot of damage. Fortunately I have a sibling who I can count on.

So sorry you are going through this.

There is a great support charity for bereaved children - winston's wish. They give advice to parents, carers, relatives, teachers, friends etc to help them support children through it. We turned to them for help when my sister killed herself. Dd1 was 2 at the time and the advice and resources we had through them were spot on.

It may be worth mentioning ww to the preschool too as they will be wanting to support as well as possible but may not have been in this situation before.

thank you for all your advice - she has no siblings but does have cousins and as a family they have an amazing support from friends - I've passed on the details for winston's wish to my friend to mention to little girl's dad. I hope to god she doesn't remember it - but know that is unlikely as she was there :( - thanks again

There is no way she wont remember. She might not get all the details but the impact of such a massive and devestating event will be remembered.

Please do remind everyone to not assume she wont remember :(

There may also be a local. Harry tgat will offer counselling and support to tge child. We have one and it does amazing work. I'll pm you a link, if it's not local to you it will still give you some ideas and maybe help find a similar one near you.

Ginger I know she probably will but it's heartbreaking :( - we're taking her swimming with us today - and she's back to pre-school - hoping a bit of normality will also help her - rather than a lot of adults focused all on her iyswim - thanks fanjo for the link x

You sound lovely Nimbs. And I reckon normality is really the best thing for a 3 year.

All the best to you and the family

Winstons Wish definitely. It really helped my friend and her children. She was widowed through suicide when they were both under 3.
It has been such a help throughout their lives. They have a specialist group for kids who have lost parents in this way and they have made lasting supportive friendships. No matter how kind we all were and are. we cannot truly stand in her shoes, but WW pals can.
She will always appreciate what you can do too, and be kind to yourself as well.

Oh my goodness, how very very sad! At this age I'd imagine it's hard for her to understand and actually grasp but my instinct is to shower her with affection and support. My son is 3 and if anything happened to me I would pray that as many people as possible took time out to show him love, kindness and comfort. Not much help but what else does a child need more than being cared about. Lisa

I agree Winstons wish is the way to go they will offer her free counselling and support....wherever you are in the country ;)

So sorry to hear this.

The little girl might also process her feelings through drawings or acting things out with toys, for example, so this might be something to watch out for and support her with gently.