time to grieve

[CoffeeDog]

My mum died 2 weeks ago funeral was a couple if days ago. I feel like I haven't had a chance to say goodbye . My brother was at the funeral ( as He should have been ) which ment we spent our. Time there looking after him - I didn't hear a word the vicar said ;-( my brother has severe learning difficulties and kept asking if mum was in the coffin and when she would go to heaven .... then explaining about what He was having for lunch etc...... then repeating.

I have a 6 year old and twin 3 year olds at home I have no one who will take them for a few hours for me except dh but He leaves at 730 and isn't home till 630 He took a couple of weeks off when mum was in hospital but we just can't afford him any more time of .
He is looking after me but I just want to go away on my own and have a good cry ... I can't I still have 3 kids to het dressed to drag up the school washing / iroining to do and a flat to clean. The. twins are at nursery for a couple of hours a day but my dad wants us with him. To go to collect the card of the flowers at crem or to go through mums things . My sistrer has no children so she just does home and crys there - the kids worry if I cry . I haven't slept well in a fortnight - had this.cough cold.... the kids not sleeping and worrying about everything I just want to curl up and have a good sob.... the one thing I can't do ;-(

Oh you poor thing I am so sorry.
Do you have a friend who would take your twins out for the afternoon?
If not, settle them in front of a disney film and snuggle up yourself for a good cry - they're old enough to understand you're upset because of their grandma without getting distressed, aren't they?

Can you afford for them to do a couple of full days in nursery this week or next week? You do need some time to yourself.

Nursey cant take them they are only suppose to go in the afternoon - Its a non fee paying one so i cant just pay for a few extra hours (they wer fantastic and had the boys for a couple of extra hours on mums funeral (even through they had to get in an extra staff member as they would be over numbers and ofsted is in this week)
One of the twins is poorly - whingy cring and very snotty. I am ashamed erally to admit i dont actually have any 'friends' not really any more -i had to stop work when the boys were born and all my old friends moved away/got on with their own lives and i often don't see anyone all day until DH gets home (he has a lovley group of friends - but they are not mine)

I know the twins shouldn't really go to nursery today as he is soo whiney but i cant cope with them today (and my dad has arranged stuff to do while they are at nursery) I feel so lonley - I could phone DH and ask him to come home and he would.... but we still have rent and bills to pay.

The only person who would have the twins was my mum... and she cant do that anymore - even finding childcare for them on the day of the funeral was a struggle (my in laws came down from wales in the end and had them in the morning for us - and for a couple of hours after nursery then DH had to go and get them and take them home)

I just want somone to give me a big hug and a cup of tea

Where are you op?
I really think tv will have to help you here. Do whatever you need to do to make life manageable, and explain to your twins without distratting them that you are a bit sad.

Sorry distressing them, that should have said

i have put mario on the wii for them.... and given them a plate full of biscuits and raisins.... that should give me 10 minutes

How are you doing today?

Hi coffee. Hope you're doing ok today. I'm sorry you're having to go through this.

I really get what you're saying about not getting the space to grieve and I know how hard that can be. It's early days, and hopefully you will soon be at a point where your dad needs you a little bit less often and you can take some time for yourself.

It sounds as though you are taking the role of "the coper" at the moment. This role doesn't have to stay yours, so let others know when you can that you need a break from being needed all the time.