my beautiful grandad is gone.

[fairyfriend]

Losing a grandparent is supposed to be a normal thing.
So why do I feel like this?
I can't stop crying. I can't stay still in one place. I keep going to see people and the minute I sit down I want to leave. I wanted to stay home today but now I'm awake I want to go out. Half way there I'll want to come back.
Everyone keeps saying it's a relief, but I want to scream at them. I'm not relieved I'm fucking devastated.
I want to be alone but when I am I miss my childrem.
I want to be looked after. My DH is amazing and doing his best but I miss my best friend. The only other close friend I have is being great but it's her birthday today so I can't expect her to come round. She came yesterday
I just don't know what to do with myself.everyone wwho would normally comfort me is grieving themselves.

Do I need to pull myself together for the kids?
To what extent is it OK for them to see me cry?
I'm in bed right now but I'd love to go downstairs and snuggle on the sofa with a blanket but I've been quietly sobbing for an hour now and it doesn't want to stop.

Thank you EmsieRo. I'm not dealing with it very well I don't think. I'm back at work, and have been all week, but I keep crying every time I stop and think.

fairy my beloved grandad died on 19 May last year and we have just had the 'anniversary'

the anniversary didnt affect me but i will never forget the words my mum used and my reaction when i lost grandad. it will stick with me forever and i loved him so much

grieve, and dont feel that because he was older that it was to be expected. some people touch our hearts and never let go. i cried for weeks afterwards and sometimes months later when in bed i cried into my pillow. And i am nearly 40!

i am PG and am going to give my DC his surname as their middle name, i want him to go on forever. i miss him terribly.

sending you love, it will get easier, i promise but he will always be with you